Jersey Shore: Deena Cortese, You And Your Fake Teeth Need To Pull It Together

If you had told me two seasons ago that Sammi was gonna end up being the most sane girl on Jersey Shore, I would’ve thrown a drink in your face and broken up with you. And then gotten back together. And then sucker-punched you on the balcony. And then repeated that a few times until you understood how utterly wrong you were. Sammi, of Sam and Ronnie fame, is like, a scientifically annoying girl. She gets something in her head and cannot leave it alone. She has one fight with Ronnie that they blow out of proportion and all she can keep repeating is, “I’m done. I’m done with the kid.” But she’s not, she’s never done with the kid, because it’s season five and they’re still together. She’s been my least favorite girl on the show for so long that I stopped even thinking about it.

And then suddenly one day I woke up and Sammi was the least of my worries. Sure, she’s still with Ron, but she’s never been arrested for drunk and disorderly like Deena was on last night’s episode, she’s not pregnant like Snooki, and her days of getting in the way of Ron’s fighting are long past, so she’s looking pretty good in comparison to Jenni as well. And okay, let’s talk about THAT for a second.

Jenni was trying to stop Roger from fighting at Bamboo, and he wasn’t into that so he pushed her out of the way by the neck. Which is a completely acceptable way to treat your girlfriend when she gets in your way. And then Jenni threw her drink in his face, which is a completely acceptable way to calm down your super aggro boyfriend who’s fighting in the club. All in all, everything was handled beautifully. Roger stormed out and Jenni fell down later, outside the club, and fractured a bone in her foot, which she elected to blame on Roger throwing her to the ground. And Roger elected to blame Jenni for getting in the way of two dudes super responsibly and on-purpose fighting in the club, and also not to call Jenni the next day to soberly follow up. So all in all, it’s really refreshing to see a couple that can take responsibility for their actions and still keep on loving each other in such a beautiful, respectful way.

Oh and now that she’s on crutches, it’s great that Jenni is taking her recovery so seriously, by never putting any weight on that leg, staying home when the roommates go to Karma, and not drinking excessively so as not to make the injury worse. ALL THOSE THINGS ARE GREAT. Thank god Jenni didn’t do any of them, but still bitched and moaned whenever anyone mildly sympathetic was around. Gross.

Also Deena, always a proponent for perseverance in the face of adversity, decided to go out on a Meatball Day by herself, since Nicole is pregnant, and proceeded to hit all five stages of Drunken Meatball on the way to Meatball Blackout: Jersey turnpike-ing, day-drinking, bar-dancing, crying, and the always classic Meatball arrest. We’re proud of you, Deena, and no one more so than Sammi, who is reveling in the first season ever of not looking like a complete crazypants.

In other news, turns out Snooki is only 4 feet, 8 inches tall, Mike is gonna wife up Paula and make her his official girly-friend, and Vinny and Pauly are also still on the show.

(Image: Yahoo)

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