Within the first two minutes of our meeting, Wendy had already made a “that’s what she said” joke and encouraged me to “let [my] freak flag fly.” She even let me see her stretched hole! The one in her ear, from the days of Janet Jackson‘s Rhythm Nation and key earrings. Get your mind out of the gutter.
After we bonded over being freaks, Wendy was open to wig talk. While I’m the kind of totally sane person who names her plants, Wendy is the sort who names her wigs. When asked which is her favorite to wear, she tells me it’s a toss up between the Wendy Renna AKA The Judge Jeanine Pirro (short and sassy), and the Twanbre (which is long, straight, and pronounced Twahn-Bray).
Wendy and I have so much in common (naming inanimate objects, indecision, etc.) that it wasn’t long before I felt comfortable asking her thoughts on the Kristen Stewart/Robert Pattinson drama. She made a good point when I brought up the Crushable consipiracy theory, saying “please don’t let this be [a PR stunt] because … who wants to be branded a slut and a whore?” To be clear, Wendy wasn’t calling Kristen Stewart any of these names herself, just pointing out the go-to labels applied to women who do things like cheat on their boyfriends with married men, or have vaginas. She did forget to include “trampire,” though. Personally, I don’t really care about being called a slut or a whore, but do not call me a trampire.
Someone who might not care as much about being called trampire? Jenny McCarthy. Jenny was a guest on Monday’s show, where she spilled the beans to Wendy about her celeb crush Bradley Cooper. Problem is, she made a comment about what she wanted to do to Bradley that got bleeped. It was something like, “I would gargle his…” I know, right? What of Bradley Cooper’s does Jenny McCarthy want to gargle? His mouthwash? His bath water? What?!
Good thing I got to hang out with Wendy, though, so I could ask her exactly what Jenny said. She wouldn’t say it out loud—she is a lady after all—but she slipped me a piece of paper with the bleeped word written on it. And because I like to keep it classy, I blurted it out on camera for you all to hear! You’re welcome.
You can hear what Jenny McCarthy wants in her mouth along with the rest of the Wendy Williams behind-the-scenes goodness in the video below.
In my dream world, Wendy and I are besties. We get mani-pedis together, and I like to make her laugh by pretending I’m Mama June at the salon. She just loves it when I ask the nail tech to paint over my socks because I have forklift foot! Oh to dream… About being friends with Wendy. Not about having forklift foot.
While my dream might not be a complete reality, I kinda felt like it was for a good thirty minutes. And now I’m even more unapologetically obsessed with Wendy Williams than I was before. Just like we’re unapologetically obsessed with all things pop culture here at Crushable. (Which means by the rule of some mathematical property that I don’t remember the name of, we should all be obsessed with Miss Wendy too, I think.)
(Photo: Karl Giant)