Whether they were cutting their teeth on early acting roles or making an ironic cameo, a ton of celebrities have popped up in horror movies ranging from highbrow to cheap-thrill slasher flicks over the years. Aside from mostly bad acting and ludicrous plots, many of these stars have given us the unexpected gift of vicariously watching them bite the dust. I’m not just talking something quick like poisoning; these are some really awful deaths that we wouldn’t wish on our worst enemies. But for famous folks who wear on our last nerves with their usual self-involved TV shows or asshole comments in the press, it works. It’s a totally healthy way to work off our loathing for certain annoying actors and reality stars without going postal ourselves.
With Halloween approaching, we figured what better way than to celebrate the famous faces who’ve met their end at a garage door, vicious animal, or nasty impalement? So microwave some popcorn, put in your headphones (these are slightly NSFW for the gore), and enjoy these six horror-movie deaths.
Paris Hilton, House of Wax
Why be coy? I’m gonna kick off the list with the one that we’re all thinking. When Warner Bros. started promoting House of Wax in 2005, a big draw was the spoiled socialite joining the pretty young actors who would all invariably get killed off in creative and gory ways. We’d already suffered through two seasons of Paris’ whining on The Simple Life, so it felt like the universe was giving us something back by having her get stalked by the creepy, wax-mask-wearing killer Vincent. The start of this video is kinda dark, but stick with it—because we want you to get the full impact of Paris’ final moments on camera, instead of just giving you the money shot. (Because you already got to see that in 1 Night in Paris. Hey-oh!)
Seann William Scott, Final Destination
Oh my God, I cannot stand the whiny character in the Final Destination movies who’s all “Oh shit guys how are we gonna escape Death?!!” Post-American Pie but pre-Dude, Where’s My Car?, Seann William Scott embodied the loser from the group who just deserves whatever punishment Death has in store for him. Because he didn’t even try to get away. Also, consider that, like I said, we only knew him as Stifler back then and were glad to see him get what was coming to him. Only after he played an adorable stoner opposite Ashton Kutcher could we have some sympathy for the guy.
Katherine Heigl, Valentine
I’m glad that the male-to-female ratio came out 50/50, or else this would look like a list devoted to annoying women getting their comeuppance. In the case of Valentine, this one is retroactive. See, back in 2001 no one knew who Katherine Heigl was. But I saw this movie after Katherine had joined the cast of Grey’s Anatomy and then burned all of her bridges. So to turn on the movie and watch Katherine — playing a med student, ironically — dispatched within the first ten minutes was a pleasant surprise.
Paul Reubens, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
While we were glad to see Pee Wee Herman leave his Playhouse to play one of the vampires in the original campy Buffy movie, we had to shake our heads at the fact that Reubens so over-acts. The first time I watched this video, I thought it was a blooper, from the look on Kristy Swanson‘s face and the randomness of Rutger Hauer playing violin. But no, this was just Reubens showing us exactly why he deserved to get staked.
Rose McGowan, Scream
Am I the only one who always kinda resented Rose for messing up the dynamic on Charmed and wearing that awful dress on the red carpet with Marilyn Manson? At any rate, I wasn’t sad when her character Tatum meets her end in one of Scream‘s most delightful deaths. So I figured that was reason enough to include her on this list.
Nicolas Cage, The Wicker Man
Perhaps not technically horror, but incredible. And face it, we always want to see Nicolas Cage die because he just sells it so hard.
Now that we’ve worked out all that schadenfreude, which celebrities were you bummed to see bite it in horror flicks? We’ll be putting that list up tomorrow, but share your choices in the comments!
Photo: Warner Bros.