• Wed, Oct 24 2012

I’m Confused: Why Are Justin Timberlake And Jessica Biel Smiling In Their Wedding Photo?

I thought the conventional wisdom was that when you got married, nothing was supposed to change. You’re still supposed to have the same deep, unbreakable commitment, just now there’s a piece of paper that proves you’re devoted to each other. But nothing really serious about the relationship is supposed to change. (Except the sex. You have less of that.) But Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are really throwing my game off, because I just saw the first picture from their wedding, and they’re smiling in it. Wait, what? But what? When have you ever known this couple to smile? And Justin’s even jumping, as if from happiness. Color me confused.

See, I don’t think I’m the only one who feels this way, but Justin and Jessica aren’t at the top of my list of ‘Most Emote-y Couples of 2012′. In fact they’re at the bottom. Sure, I’ve seen them show up to events together and sometimes they’re attached at the arm, but there’s never any eye contact or smiling, or canoodling. Literally zero canoodles. I’d adjusted myself to the fact that these two have a different kind of love. It’s not that lusty love that so many Hollywood couples have where they can’t stop crawling all over each other at Mr. Chow’s. It’s that kind of love where you look over and say, “Oh, there is that person again. I appear to have arrived with them.” Not super romantic, or heart-warming, or any of those positive Valentine’s Day words.

The day they got married, I mentioned it to one of my friends at work, and she was surprised to find out they were even together. And guys…that relationship lasted for like five years. They started dating in January of 2007. PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT IT. But they didn’t, because Jessica Biel is a very beautiful robot, and that’s alright. But now we’re trying to change the game up, Timberbiels! You’re really gonna put out a picture of you guys enjoying each others’ company now that you’re married? No annoyed smirks or loving eye rolls? Just a genuine smile while your husband jumps around in joy?

I’m happy for you and all, but my paradigm is quite literally shattered.

(Image: PopSugar)

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  • WittyJib

    I just love how Britney Spears is trolling their cover issue. That’s all.

  • http://www.facebook.com/sdedalus2 Stephen Dedalus

    I know you’re trying really hard with this column, but there’s nothing here.

    Still, keep it up!