Well, this is fun. A man claiming to be Selena Gomez‘s father has filed a lawsuit against Justin Bieber for stealing his credit card and using it to pay for “penis enlargement,” among other things.
According to TMZ, the charges leveled at Justin Bieber include:
“Bieber has cost me $426.78 and never paid me back. This money was used as abortion money because Justin Bieber got my daughter Selena pregnant in my bedroom, on my canadian bear rug.”
Not the Canadian bear rug!
“Usher Raymond came to my house on the forth of july 2012 and sodomized me with a firework and lit it inside my anal area while blaring kate perry [sic] firework song in my ear drums.”
I feel like physical torture would be redundant here.
“[Bieber] gave selena a std and Bieber stole my credit card to buy him and sean p-ditty [sic] combs cocaine to use in drug free school zones.”
What with being a child millionaire and all, wouldn’t Justin Bieber be able to provide his own penis enlargement money? This part convinces me that the person who filed this suit is probably a logic-challenged 13-year-old boy who thinks he’s playing a funny prank. Either that, or Justin Bieber did all those things. Time to break your silence, Selena Gomez.