Infamous With Taryn Southern is Crushable’s first YouTube series! Every week during the release of Taryn’s musical comedy album On My Face, she’ll be reporting on embarrassing celebrity moments from the trenches of her bedroom.
Vaginas aren’t really something gals talk openly about. Which is why this NY Magazine headline caught my eye. A woman who managed to stuff 54 bags of heroin (amongst other things) in her lady bits?? Yep. It’s true, and you’ll just have to watch my latest music video to get the full story, but it got me thinking – what about celebrities who openly discuss the power of their V?
Well, I think it’s time these gals, and their gals, are honored. I present to you – the Top 5 Most Remarkable Celeb Vaginas:
#5 – OctomomAny woman who can carry 8 babies for 9 months and support those walking melons has a vagina nothing short of remarkable. And can you imagine the amount of stretching and tearing that would happen with all that baby?? Sure, she ended up delivering by C-section, but hey, just imagining all those babies popping out of one place is impressive enough.
#4- Jennifer Love Hewitt: You can’t talk about remarkable vaginas without mentioning the pioneer vajazzler, the princess of box diamonds, Jennifer Love Hewitt. Ever since Jen mentioned the sparkle she was packing down there several years ago, I’m left wondering not what – but WHO – she did last summer. And moreover, is it multicolored? Can you see yourself in it, like images in a mirrorball?
#3- Zooey Deschanel: Step away from the bling for a moment. Can we all just agree that, without ever even seen or heard about it, Zooey Deschanel likely has a remarkable vagina? If a vagina could custom crochet it’s own panties and/or play a ukulele, Zooey Deschanel’s would. Zooey D. and her adorkable Zooey V – they probably have some sort of duet worked out.
#2- Lindsay Lohan: This vagina has been through a lot, and bless her heart, it’s ruby colored hue has made the press multiple times. But red is in, folks. Red wins Oscars. It screams – HEY! Look at me! And let’s be honest, what celeb can resist a red carpet?
#1 – The Kardashians: These three are never too shy to talk cookies in front of the camera. From putting mayo on their underparts to keep it “shiny” (Khloe) to getting laser hair removal done on camera (Courtney) to commenting on the appearance of her sisters’ girl parts (Kim), these three might as well just bare all to the world! Wait. One of them already has.
But there are also plenty of remarkable vaginas who just missed making my list (there’s always next year!).
Lady Gaga: According to ‘80s pop star Boy George, Gaga asked him to autograph her hoo-ha following a concert. “There were a lot of people in the room, it was all a bit chaotic,” George, 48, told the paper. “She was very sweet. She asked me to sign her vagina.” She seems to know it’s powers too – in an interview with Vanity Fair, Gaga describes her vagina as a “portal for her creativity.” She fears having sex because that person may steal her creativity through her vagina. Hm.
Beyonce: Sure, the lady’s more known for being Bootylicious, but I’l lay a bet her little Sasha is FIERCE! Given the fact that she wrode in a “Pussy Wagon” with Lady Gaga, and she wrote her song “Sweet Dream” about her Baby-Blue-Maker, me thinks this girl’s vajay is nothing short of remarkable. Sorry men, since she put a ring on it, only Jay Z has access to the goods.
Taryn Southern is an actress, writer, and web star with more than 100 million views on her online videos. She just released her debut comedy album, On My Face, and will be releasing a series of music videos on her channel, which correspond with the themes of her column on Crushable. Her column co-writer, Lauren Scharf, is a recent graduate of Columbia College and her writing can also be found on her blog Endless Amusement.