• Sun, Oct 21 2012

Lifetime Movie A Nanny’s Revenge Is Almost As Anti-Business As The Muppets

Remember how all those Republicans threw a hissy fit when Jason Segel‘s version of The Muppets came out, because the plot revolved around an evil businessman (Chris Cooper) plotting to tear down the Muppets’ old theater for his own selfish gain? This week’s Lifetime movie, A Nanny’s Revenge, might incite the same overreaction, but any Republicans watching probably overlooked the anti-business message because they were too upset by the fact that the film featured a woman who had crawled out of her binder.

The title nanny, Gina (Jodi Lyn O’Keefe), starts out the film as a sarcastic teacher who is furious at the establishment when a male co-worker is fired for driving a student home in his own car (I smell a spin-off). Gina says screw the rules, by literally saying “Screw the rules,” and she walks out. The principal probably should have made that decision for her long ago, since Gina wears a nose ring, but if she didn’t have that piece of jewelry at the beginning, she wouldn’t be able to symbolically remove it later in the film, so I’ll let it slide.

Gina’s recently divorced, and she moves back in with her parents to look for a new job. After a night of snarky banter around the dinner table, things go horribly wrong. Her father, a construction worker, falls comically tragically off scaffolding while trying to rescue a young man who has been electrocuted by faulty wiring. On the way to the hospital, Gina and her mom are involved in a car accident, and her mom is thrown from the car. Thanks to some neat editing, Gina’s parents die at exactly the same moment, like in that Ryan Gosling movie. I wanna say, Remember the Titans? I’m not entirely sure.

At the hospital, Gina’s Canadian-sounding husband tries to tell her that her parents are dead, but he chickens out. He says, “I don’t think I can do this, eh?” and rushes out. (I might have embellished that a little.) After Gina’s friend Vanessa rolls her eyes at him and finally tells Gina, there’s a lot of cry-hiccupping, the realization that “being an orphan sucks,” and the revelation that Parker Randall (Michael Woods), the rich contractor in charge of her dad’s job site, is claiming her formerly alcoholic dad was drunk when the accident happened. Cue sepia-tone flashback and totally obvious revenge dream, and Gina’s plot for vengeance begins.

After bonding with Randall’s wife Brynn (Victoria Pratt) at the nail salon, Gina lands a job as a nanny for the woman’s bratty son Jackson. She’s not exactly a nanny, but rather a sort of governess, because she stays in the Randalls’ house to home-school Jackson. But A Governess’s Revenge sounds more like Keira Knightley‘s next movie, so Lifetime just decided to call her a nanny.

Gina sets out to discover Randall’s secrets, and this eventually leads to fake-seducing the evil businessman. The plan goes horribly awry when Randall turns the tables on her and, after threatening to kill her with the gun she’d been hiding, he conveniently puts the gun aside to rape her first. That’s when Randall’s wife walks in, shoots her husband dead, and tries to kill Gina, too. Luckily, Gina’s friend Vanessa and the Canadian ex-husband (Eh?) have tracked her down Psycho-style and are waiting outside at the exact moment Randall’s wife fires a warning shot. The police arrive just in time, and Gina explains that there’s a tape recorder in her purse which luckily documented the entire exchange. I’m going to go buy a tape recorder tomorrow so I can hide it in my purse at all times. You never know when you’ll need it. Thanks for the tip, Lifetime.

You think it’s over now? She isn’t pregnant and married yet, silly! Fast-forward to about a year later, and Gina is cuddling with her new man, The Teacher Who Got Fired For Driving The Student Home In His Own Car, at her baby shower!

Now that Gina isn’t busy plotting against Randall, she can be home from work in time to make dinner, so it’s time to reflect on the lesson of the movie. This is around the time Republicans noticed that all of the movie’s problems were caused by a wealthy businessman. But oops, too late, The Wife He Met Online is coming up next. What’s that woman doing out of her binder?

(Image: TV Film News)

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