Chris Brown Asked Rihanna To Get A Boob Job Because Not Enough People Hate Him Yet

Almost every morning I wake up and think — “Man, I really don’t hate Chris Brown enough today. I wish he’d just get on with it and do something so slimy that even I can’t get over it.” You know what I mean? Beating the shit out of Rihanna‘s face wasn’t enough, and neither was brawling in public with Drake. For some reason violence against women and in general wasn’t enough to stop me and my fellow music-buyers of America from supporting this guy, so I need more! And luckily for me, Chris is happy to provide it. But this shouldn’t all be on him! I bet Rihanna could do some stuff too that would really irritate and aggravate me. She could refuse to assist in the criminal investigation of the violence perpetrated against her, or even get back together with the man who beat her, but somehow that just isn’t enough. I think we need to turn to something a little more emotional, because disrespecting herself and her body is so 2010 now. Give me something juicier. Something I can really sink my teeth into.

Cut to 2012. We know that these two are essentially back together, and announcing it to the world at the same time that Chris’ next album drops — November 19th. I’m disgusted enough by that. But now come to find out that Chris has mentioned he’d like it if Rihanna went up about a cup size in the boob department? AWESOME. Nothing drastic, y’know, just a little something to reassure him of her blind devotion to him and his terrifying mental control over her. There’s nothing more attractive than a guy showing you how much he cares about you by hitting you in the face and then asking you to get a boob job. Literally my knees are all aquiver with girlish infatuation. This news doesn’t come straight from Chris or Rihanna, of course, but instead through a ‘close friend’, who also says:

“[She's] always been insecure about her cleav­age, but Chris’s comment has spurred her on to really do something about it. Rihanna can’t help herself. What she really wants is something she can’t have – a commit­ted relationship with Chris… It’s horrifying seeing how much control Chris still has over her. It’s like she’s hypnotized.”

Oh the fairy tales they’ll write about this saga of love. I can’t wait to read them! Said no one. Ever.


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    • danielle

      this article is just wrong!!!! one like u said it never came from chris or rihanna but at close friend! so in other words its basically a load of shit! 2nd of all its not CHRIS’ album thats out its rihannas another thing thats wrong!! annnnnnd lastly! it was DRAKE that started that fight with chris not the other way around! but because drake has a squeeky clean record its wasnt his fault! lets just blame it all on chris cos he is now being branned a ‘bad boy’ or what ever u wanna call him!!! seriously love ur article just doesnt even have true facts!

      • Frances Bean

        Oh yes! Because beating a woman in the face is so un-badboyish!

      • Dinnyq

        Bad boys don’t hit women. They pick fights with guys their own size. It isn’t bad ass for a guy to hit a girl. It’s pretty horrible actually

    • Dinnyq

      I don’t believe it. Rihanna is hot, practically perfect. Both she and Chris know that. You don’t mess with perfection!

    • Superabound

      How the fuck does this dude still have a career? Who the hell is still supporting him and buying his records at this point? Charles Manson was a pretty good musician but you dont see anybody buying HIS shit.

      • Dinnyq

        Isn’t he a serial killer? That might be why

      • Superabound

        Chris Brown is still young, give him time.

      • Dinnyq

        Exactly. I am giving him time. To grow and be a better person.

      • Jenni

        How much time do you think we should give him before we start holding him accountable for his choices?

      • abbeysbooks

        This is between Brown and Rihanna. Whatever is going on has nothing to do with anyone else. And if Brown is allowing everyone else to be a part of it then he is. He will do what he will do. And so will she.

      • Jenni

        Except when his fans say that Rihanna deserved to be hit and he doesn’t contradict them — perpetuating the cycle of violence. He has the power to make a difference, but he chooses not to.

      • abbeysbooks

        He may be making more of a difference than we think. He seems to be going the limit on this, pushing it to the edge, making it worse than worse, following Nietzsche on disappearing something. He just may be able to do this. Think if she dies how her fans will be affected. She now looks skinny and awful. His brutal treatment of her, with her addictive acquiescence is captivating. I once met a young girl in Austin who was in a medical study with me. She was a hair dresser and a performing artist. She got sick in the dorm, so I watched over her so she wouldn’t have to leave the study. Brought her water, woke her for blood draws etc so she wouldn’t miss them and be kicked out or be discovered sick. As I was covering her with another blanket I saw not little scars alongside her entire spinal cord! Both sides! So of course I asked about them. She said she had been in a performance piece where she wore angel wings and hung from the ceiling by wires into hooks that pierced her flesh all down her back. I said the obvious about the awful pain, so why did she do it? She said that she wanted to feel the pain and that’s why she did it. She was native North American Indian and perhaps was going through a transformation of a savage ritual? I have never forgotten her. I don’t think she ever expected anyone would take care of her in that situation.

        So who knows why Rihanna is doing this. Maybe she is undergoing a ritual of torture of her own. Maybe she feels it deepens her art, her music. IDK, but she could stop it if she wanted. I am now reading here in MO about women following 50 Shades and men being prosecuted here for what they are doing, keeping women captive and sex slaves. And all the fangirls that loved MOTU so much and talked about it incessantly on robsessed in the winter of 2010, just in erotic ecstasy over it. I can see they would have loved to be in that state with a man, held captive, like Jaycee Dugard. Read Hide and Drink. All I could do when I read it was feel what Jaycee Dugard felt waiting for his hunger to increase and the terror of being alone and captive. And it was so erotic. Fangirls were saying how guilty they felt about being aroused by it. Obviously they haven’t read DeSade, but isn’t DeSade what we are talking about? DeSade in the Order of Seduction and the Law in the Order of Production.

      • curioushairedgal

        Marquis would be proud…and this is kinda funny and not really.
        “…your service will be arduous, it will be painful and rigorous, and the slightest delinquencies will be requited immediately with corporal and afflicting punishments; hence, I must recommend to you prompt exactness, submissiveness, and total self-abnegation that you be enabled to heed naught but our desires; let them be your laws, fly to do their bidding, anticipate them, cause them to be born…”
        Uncritical replication of relations of domination, as per Butler.
        “Beauty belongs to the beloved who returns the gaze, in whose eyes we see the sun. But in this . . . beauty, in the mutual gaze, also lies the beginning of terror –awe, idealization, overstimulation, violation, loss.” This is Jessica Benjamin, never got to reading her when MOTU was it.

      • abbeysbooks

        When I saw Herzog’s vampire film Nosferatu Adjani lies still on the bed at the end letting Kinski in all his awfulness drink from her neck and she holds still, wanting the morning light to catch him in time to kill him and sacrifices her life for his. I was in psychoanalytic training at the time and read it that way. An allegory of the mother being drained to death by the rapacious baby. The horror of it. It is such a gorgeous scene. And I just know people are now making snuff films of this since vampires are so fashionable and trendy. Can’t you just see it.

      • Petranella

        Literal snuff films?! good god I hope not!

      • abbeysbooks

        Of course. Do not doubt that.

      • abbeysbooks

        Do not know Jessica Benjamin but I know her. The irreversible Order of Production is crushing us with its spiky weight, its inflexibility which I am feeling very much today. The breakouts will become more violent.

      • Dinnyq

        LOL I’d hate to think Rihanna is that masochistic, but who knows she may be. She seems a lot happier now. Both of them do. Seems that they’re figuring things out in a healthier manner, good for them.

      • Dinnyq

        As long as he doesn’t raise his hand again he’s making a difference by not perpetuating the cycle of violence himself. So far, so good. I hope he keeps on towards a more peaceful Chris Brown

      • Dinnyq

        He’s been held accountable since 2009. Isn’t he still on punishment? Until 2014 I believe

    • jj83

      This is a very predictable pattern. It all ends with his murdering her. It has been observed time and time again. Predictions at the ready people, I’ve got 18 months from now. What do you think?

    • Frank David Nall

      Alexis, crushable is not good enough for your talent.

    • winterwonderlandd

      I swear she had implants before but got them taken out…

    • The Man . . . .

      Rake faced nigga!!!!

    • Lalahayes

      No One is perfect! …To Me She Is jealous
      And would do anything to get CB Back!!!
      She Can’t get mad for the cheating Let’s
      Not Forget the Dirt she Has Done to Him.