So apparently Justin Timberlake is actually following through on his plan to marry Jessica Biel. They’re traipsing all over Naples, Italy as we speak, just showering it with their love, pausing only to attend brunch at the European Mary Camden Appreciation Association – Naples Chapter.
While I think we all appreciate a good joke, this one’s gone on far too long. How are they actually getting married? How will the guy with a dick in a box commit to spending his life with a preacher’s daughter? It’s just unrealistic and unlikely and the last thing we need is another Hollywood divorce on our hands.
How do we fix this before it’s too late? Easy. We convince Britney Spears to crash the wedding. Just call her up and be like, “hey, remember that guy who you loaned your v-card to back in the ’90s. Well he’s getting married to a c-list movie star and you’re the only one who can stop him.”
And she’ll be like, “cancel my trial and cancel my face-making on The X Factor, I’ll be on the first plane out.” And then she’ll stand outside the church until they ask if anyone has a reason this man shouldn’t marry this woman and then she’ll walk in and be like, “if you’re soooo in love with Jessica Biel, why have you never taken a photo like THIS before?’
Justin will take one look at that denim magic, remember how much he loves BritBrit and be all like, “pick me, choose me, marry me.” Then they’ll get married and we’ll be happy and we can finally stop crying so much when watch tribute videos for the couple.
To steal a line from a early ’90s McDonald’s advertising campaign, hey, it could happen.