Has everyone seen this amazing new trailer for Breaking Dawn, Part 2: The Time We Figured Out How To Use Our Personal Lives To Promote Our Movie. Not only does it star Kristen Stewart (played by Kristen Stewart) and Robert Pattinson (played by Robert Pattinson), but it also sheds some new light on the alleged publicity stunt that’s making this entire movie possible!
Well, where did we leave off last on this front? Oh right, after Kristen Stewart swam in a sea of tears for a few weeks in an attempt to win Robert Pattinson back, she allegedly convinced him to start seeing a relationship counselor. The highly-qualified relationship counselor, who very much exists and wasn’t at all made up, recommended the two lovebirds abstain from sex for a month. Why? Why not!? Every good movie includes a sex pact these days. It’s just what you do when you’re On the Road to Cosmopolis.
And now we’re a month away from the premiere of Breaking Dawn: Let’s Really Confuse Fans By Being Bella and Edward in Real Life, But Not Really Because Vampires Don’t Exist and it’s time for some public sightings.
Ooo, where should we start? A bar? YES A BAR! PEOPLE LOVE BARS! Everyone knows bars = love. Or is that bars = one-night-stands. Oh, who really knows? Anyway, let’s start getting spotted at places like bars and restaurants. But not do anything too relationship-y, yet. Like how about we go to lunch, let paps take a few photos –but here’s the catch, don’t hold hands.
Are they or aren’t they? Let the questions continue to simmer in the minds of the fans as they decide whether or not Robsten’s REALLY unbroken.
And honestly, if they really want to know if Robsten’s back together forever and ever and ever* (*ever = until the Breaking Dawn DVD comes out), they should go see the movie. It has all the answers to that and to to true love and basically to anything anyone could ever want to know. Remember, it conveniently comes out in a month!
Buy your tickets today! Don’t wait! If you do, they could break up again! HURRY!
P.S: Remember Rupert Sanders? The man who started this whole scandal by spooning K.Stew on a fence? Well don’t worry about him. He just landed a movie deal after just three months of Hollywood exile. Man oh man, isn’t everything just working out swell for everyone! May all our cheating scandals lead to such fabulous career success.