News has come down from above today that Beyonce will be the entertainment at the 2013 Superbowl halftime show this coming February in New Orleans. Everyone loves Beyonce, so hooray! And with all the drama that’s been caused by the Superbowl halftime show in the past (Janet Jackson‘s nipple, M.I.A.‘s middle finger, the mere fact of The Black Eyed Peas), she seems like a nice, safe choice who will deliver an entertaining show while keeping all of her clothes on.
That said, I think she could go a step further and heal the country from these past traumas by doing something to reinforce our values as red-blooded, family oriented Americans. I’m talking about revealing her second pregnancy, which is currently but a rumor.
The way I see it, it’s a win-win: hearts will be warmed, blogs will be nice, and everyone will forget all about the fact that women even have nipples. (Nipples are antithetical to babies!) And it’s pretty much the only way she could top her big reveal at the VMAs. That said, I’m sure there are some naysayers out there who will think this pregnancy is just as fake as they thought the first one was, to whom I say: I understand your concerns. But there’s no way we are ever going to find out the truth for sure, so I’m willing to just go with it. Apple pie golden retrievers American flags Barack Obama! HOO FUCKING RAY FOR SPORTS AND BABIES.