• Thu, Oct 11 2012

Everything You Need To Know About The Justin Bieber Nude Photo Scandal That’s About To Rock Our Nation

If you clicked on this post, you already know. There could be Justin Bieber nude photos floating around the interweb right now. Or there could not be. It’s all very confusing and very complicated and we’re here to work it all out with you.

So yesterday Justin Bieber tweeted about someone stealing his computer and camera. He appeared to be upset in the tweets and drove his feelings home with the hashtags #lame and #norespect. Two hashtags that usually follow all my tweets about the general condition of public restrooms in America today.

In these revealing tweets, he implies that there’s personal footage on that computer and camera and that’s what bothers him most. Obviously everyone read that and assumed that by personal footage he meant naked photos of himself, sex tapes where he made Selena Gomez act our parts from the hit movie Selena and consultations with his doctor on when exactly  he should schedule puberty. You know, personal stuff that he doesn’t need everyone to see. At least not until he fades into obscurity and needs a career comeback.

However, in the thief’s defense, he probably shouldn’t have said that the stolen possessions contained so much goodies. That’s like telling a robber that he better not go into your safe, hidden in the basement, behind that old fridge and steal your one-of-a-kind Heart of the Ocean necklace. But Bieber’s young and sources say very stupid, so let’s not act too surprised that he alluded to inappropriate material being on his computer and phone.

According to my gal pals at Socialite Life, a naked Justin Bieber photo surfaced shortly after these tweets. But they go onto say that it’s already being called a fake due to all sorts of normal observations — like his nipples being the wrong size.

Beliebers on Twitter are insisting that the photo is several months old. They also claim that the belly button in the pic doesn’t match Bieber’s, but we’re going to politely decline to investigate the belly button, as we prefer not to look at this photo longer than absolutely necessary. According to one fan on Tumblr, the nipples also aren’t the right shape. Justin does have some dedicated fans.

While my nipple skillz aren’t anywhere near this level, I have to say I beliebe the beiliebers because they beknow their benipples.

Also, c’mon this naked Justin Bieber photo just looks fake!

So at the moment it’s safe to say naked Justin Bieber photos are not leaking all over the Internet. But they could be at any moment, and that’s why I love America. You never know when the next naked photo scandal will pop up.

(Photos:Juan Sharma/Bruja, PacificCoastNews.com /Flickr)

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  • scallywag

    Oh Justin, wouldn’t it be better if you just gave us at least one sex tape so you can finally get it out of the way? ps- no fake photoshopped penises allowed….it would upset the Beliebers who could probably tell it was fake anyway. Blah!

    http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2012/10/the-world-is-desperate-to-find-out-if-the-justin-bieber-nude-picture-is-real-or-not/

  • ss

    OMG! This article is hilarious! Lol I especially love the part “…. I have to say I beliebe the beliebers because they beknow their benipples.” And that “naked ” Justin B pic, that looks “fake” …I’m dying. Funniest S**t EVER Lol

    • Jenni

      I call it like i see it…and I see that photo looks totally photoshopped.