Gee, what perfect timing: Mere days after being crowned Sexiest Woman Alive by Esquire, Mila Kunis is now being considered for a very different kind of honor. The Sun reports that Mila has suddenly emerged as the frontrunner for the role of virginal sub Anastasia Steele in the Fifty Shades of Grey movie. Most young starlets have been mentioned alongside this role in the past six months, but this rumor is too ridiculous to take seriously. Because unfortunately for Mila — or fortunately, depending how you look at it — her new title makes her way too sexy to play Ana.
The Sun credits Mila’s “girl-next-door charm” for why producers are supposedly considering her, and maybe you’re looking at those photos of her in sweatpants and thinking, Yeah, Ana would totally dress like that. But don’t let all that fool you—the only reason Mila’s being mentioned at all is because she just posed topless in leather pants in a magazine. That’s not the kind of shenanigans Ana would be able to pull, even with her inner goddess cheering her on. Just consider this quote from Esquire:
Or as she might say (and did), “If I wanted to charm the pants off you, I could.” She talks like that and she looks like that, even when she’s really not trying hard at all.
Someone this aware and in control of her sexuality would be a bad choice to play Ana, because Fifty Shades is all about this girl learning about herself. Considering that Ana has never even touched herself before meeting Christian, it seems disingenuous to have an actress who had that great scene in Friends with Benefits where she and Justin Timberlake nonchalantly listed their turn-ons and turn-offs before jumping into bed.
The reason that actresses like Emma Watson and Alexis Bledel have been mentioned in relation to the role is that we have yet to see them play a really sexual character, so it’s more believable to witness that evolution. There’s also the matter of looks: While Ana has to be conventionally pretty, she also needs to be enough of an Everywoman that she doesn’t believe that Christian would ever fall for her.
Anyway, we’re still a long ways off. The producers only just announced that Kelly Marcel would write the screenplay — prompting Bret Easton Ellis to throw a shitfit over Twitter — and producer Dana Brunetti emphasized that we’re still in early days of pre-production with a recent tweet: Again, writer then script then director then cast…