In a total middle school move that makes me want to have lunch with Katy Perry in a bathroom stall, she broke up with John Mayer just weeks (days? hours?) after taking him back. For those of you with a case of the deja vus, let’s go over their rocky relationship timeline so you can see why her move’s so completely kick-ass.
Katy Perry starts dating John Mayer in an attempt to show Russell Brand that he’s not the last shoulder-hair-lengthed egomaniac she’ll ever love. They start going to first base all over town and before long everyone’s all like, “oh no, Katy Perry’s going to get hurt.” And Katy Perry’s like “I tamed Russell Brand and got him to the point where he used utensils at almost all meals, so I think I can handle a guy who owns fedoras.”
But then John Mayer’s like, “booo, you whore, you’re so boring! Why aren’t you writing songs about me? I’m done with you!” And he said all this in an email. Yes, he broke up with her in an email. While your first reaction may be visualizing a swift kick to his balls, Katy Perry’s first move was to take him back shortly after this news broke.
At first that made me feel all sad because this is a woman capable of making ice cream sundaes with her whipped cream breasts. She deserves better than a guy who breaks up with her via email.
But then, the ultimate twist in this on-again-off-again relationship. She breaks up with him this past weekend and did it by throwing out the dreaded c-word diagnosis: commitment-phobic. It’s allegedly a passive aggressive way of saying he couldn’t keep it in his pants.
A Radaronline source close to the singer told the Star magazine sister outlet: ‘John just can’t commit, and he kept luring Katy back with
promises that was going to change, but then he didn’t.
The insider added: ‘Katy was pretty crazy about him, so she kept giving him another chance.John liked Katy, so he wanted to keep her in his life, but it just wasn’t up to Katy’s standards.’
‘She needs the guy to be on board 100 percent and she was sick of John disappearing for five days at a time, then booty calling her, then
straightening up and treating her well, only to go back to his old behavior a few days later’.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we all know that the real reason Katy Perry got back together with him was that so she could be the one to break it off. There’s no word like the last word and now in interviews forever and ever, she can claim that she ended their relationship.
Email? No one even remembers the fateful email now. In the words of Hilary Duff, “that’s so yesterday.”
Katy Perry just changed the entire story by pulling this classic middle school move that ensures her Wikipedia page will accurately read that she maintained total control throughout this relationship. Well done, K.P, well done.
(Photo: Josephine Santos, PacificCoastNews.com)