Even though we’re all completely aware that Breaking Amish isn’t as much reality as it is casted, scripted and packaged into some kind of Sex and the City meets The Bible hybrid, we’re still watching every single week. Mostly to find out how much of their real stories they’ll reveal before the story ends. Also, I love a good breakdown and Kate seems ripe for a quality one any episode now.
And mostly I do love a good reality show villain, but Jeremiah Raber’s so good at being a misogynistic asshole that I’m pretty sure he’s not acting — and I’m also pretty sure that makes it time for him to go.
Where should he go? Oh, I don’t know. Maybe back to Ohio where his ex-wife and three children allegedly live. But that’s one idea. Once he’s a taxi driver, he can go anywhere he wants, you know, as long as no one else on the road minds if he catcalls hot women as he drives past them. That’s his right (and probably his duty) as a real man.
This episode starts off with the group leaving a performance of Stomp. They all agree it’s for heathens and their Amish family members back home would definitely stone them for paying for entertainment — especially entertainment that involves music. Things they’d also get stoned for? Um probably getting bikini waxed and posing in a bikini. But whatevs, you only live/get-to-do-a-reality-show once!
The dinner conversation naturally evolves from Stomp critiques into critiques on how the Amish view sex. According to everyone (except Suddenly-Prude-Kate), it’s widely excepted that the Amish men are so horny that they’re often caught humping their wives just moments after they give birth.
Jeremiah ups the ante with a quote so charming that I’m sure it’s being crocheted into pillows as we speak, “you’d be surprised how many Amish men have sex with animals.” Is this a confession?
I don’t know and I don’t want to think about it.