• Thu, Oct 4 2012

Now That Big Bird’s An Out Of Work Child Actor, He’s Already Hit-And-Running From Amanda Bynes

As you may have read in the newspaper this morning, Mitt Romney fired Big Bird during the presidential debates last night.  This came as a pretty big blow to all of us who are still learning to read. And based on 34% of the comments I see on this very site, that’s a whole lot of us.

Now Big Bird must enter the scary world of former child stars who are looking for work — and finding trouble instead.

But let’s start at the beginning and see how we once again got to this point. How we once again are watching a former child star do a downward spiral that will only end when VH1 Celebrity Rehab calls.

Just like all child stars, Big Bird got his start in the business when his mother took him to an audition for a TLC show about infertile women who adopt rare birds.

From there his career just took off and after getting nominated for a daytime Emmy for his role as Medium-Sized Bird in One Life to Live, he got cast in the part he’s now famous for — Big Bird on Sesame Street. As the years passed on “the street,” Big Bird began longing for something more. Perhaps a more grown-up show or at least one with less puppets. So in a classic attempt to appear more mature, Big Bird “accidentally” tweeted grainy nude photos of himself to all the major media outlets.

Despite the outcries from the parent groups across the country, PBS stood behind Big Bird and supported him for several more years. After all, behind every great child star is a masterful puppeteer pulling the strings and making magic happen.

Then Mitt Romney fired him last night, freeing him for a post-child-stardom life of drugs, indecency, red-carpet side-boob and baby bump rumors. We’re already hearing reports that in the hours since he got fired, he’s already smoked salvia, cut Miley Cyrus‘ hair, taken graphic photos with Vanessa Hudgens and rented a car just so he can hit Amanda Bynes‘ car and flee from the scene.

And allegedly, we’re even getting word that he’s already impregnated Lindsay Lohan. We’ve included the alleged sonogram photo below so you can jump to your own conclusions.

And this is why we don’t fire child actors without giving them a safety net to fall back on. Way to go Mitt.

(Photo: Parents)

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  • dawn

    Love your articles Jenni! So voting obama. Something about the name mit gives me the creeps. In other news Ryan seacrest’s own people confirmed robsten was at SoHo house the other night laughing and holding hands like nothing ever happened. Why does that not sit right with me? They’re having a good ole time while their fans have been going ape crap mad for over two months? Gotta love PR stunts. Am I right to be a bit disgusted by this? Jenni article please! My robsten whiplash has whiplash now!

    • Jenni

      1. Gobama!
      2. If you have whiplash, imagine how their fans must feel. One second they’re preparing for the end of days, and the next they’re preparing for the wedding. I definitely believe they’re openly hanging out again, it’s all prepping fans for their press tour in a few weeks. You know, when they have to act all lovey-dovey after supposedly having the biggest falling out in the history of falling outs.

    • dawn

      Thanks Jenni, I am a fan or was or I just don’t know anymore. Was thinking it was to boost the promo tour too. The fans that won’t accept that this could be a PR stunt are the ones I’m scared for. Your obsession with this scandal really has helped a lot of fans maintain some sanity.

    • http://twilightirruption.blogspot.com/ abbeysbooks

      Do you have children or spend time with them? You need to.

    • Jenni

      Luckily I do not have children, so I do need to spend time with them.

    • http://twilightirruption.blogspot.com/ abbeysbooks

      It will help you with the magic.

    • Jenni

      I assure you that if I had children now, it would be anything but magical.

    • http://twilightirruption.blogspot.com/ abbeysbooks

      I am the same. I’ve never had them but am not even a tiny bit sorry. But I have had many many in my life. And they taught me everything I feel I really know. And a number of them are famous in their fields and I like to think I contributed a small grain of courage for them to do that. To give them one year of living dangerously, out of the educational classroom box they, and I, were supposed to be in.

      Find some. They are all around you. I now have a 26 year old bf. No longer a child, but a child nevertheless.

    • dawn

      Abbeybooks, I do have children. I have a 4 year old son and a 6 year ols son. Everyone in their lives helps them to become who they are and will be especially their teachers. You have helped the kids you mentioned to be who they are today. Don’t ever forget that. My husband is 37 and very much still a child.

    • dawn

      Abbeysbooks, you need to see all angles of this situation and prepare for anything. Just keep an open mind. I used to think robsten could do no wrong. I still hope they can do no wrong but I’m keeping,myself open and leaning towards fake scandal right now. Its Hollywood and anything is possible. Jenni could be right on the money.

    • http://twilightirruption.blogspot.com/ abbeysbooks

      She certainly could. It’s a very plausible speculation.

  • Angel Watson

    Children’s are the face of god. Bad luck for me i have no children.

  • Angel Watson

    This baby is so cute……..
    Purse and Handbags