As you may have read in the newspaper this morning, Mitt Romney fired Big Bird during the presidential debates last night. This came as a pretty big blow to all of us who are still learning to read. And based on 34% of the comments I see on this very site, that’s a whole lot of us.
Now Big Bird must enter the scary world of former child stars who are looking for work — and finding trouble instead.
But let’s start at the beginning and see how we once again got to this point. How we once again are watching a former child star do a downward spiral that will only end when VH1 Celebrity Rehab calls.
Just like all child stars, Big Bird got his start in the business when his mother took him to an audition for a TLC show about infertile women who adopt rare birds.
From there his career just took off and after getting nominated for a daytime Emmy for his role as Medium-Sized Bird in One Life to Live, he got cast in the part he’s now famous for — Big Bird on Sesame Street. As the years passed on “the street,” Big Bird began longing for something more. Perhaps a more grown-up show or at least one with less puppets. So in a classic attempt to appear more mature, Big Bird “accidentally” tweeted grainy nude photos of himself to all the major media outlets.
Despite the outcries from the parent groups across the country, PBS stood behind Big Bird and supported him for several more years. After all, behind every great child star is a masterful puppeteer pulling the strings and making magic happen.
Then Mitt Romney fired him last night, freeing him for a post-child-stardom life of drugs, indecency, red-carpet side-boob and baby bump rumors. We’re already hearing reports that in the hours since he got fired, he’s already smoked salvia, cut Miley Cyrus‘ hair, taken graphic photos with Vanessa Hudgens and rented a car just so he can hit Amanda Bynes‘ car and flee from the scene.
And allegedly, we’re even getting word that he’s already impregnated Lindsay Lohan. We’ve included the alleged sonogram photo below so you can jump to your own conclusions.
And this is why we don’t fire child actors without giving them a safety net to fall back on. Way to go Mitt.