In perhaps the most DUH news of the day, BBC News reports that James Bond has a lot more sex than most guys. See, the 2011 Health Survey for England discovered that British men have, on average, about 9.3 sexual partners in their lifetimes. As for 007? Well, with 23 films out (counting the upcoming Skyfall) and anywhere from 1 to 4 women Bond seduces in each one, you do the math.
As BBC News points out, despite us seeing Bond romp around with countless beauties, the movies aren’t that explicit. “The most the viewer ever gets is Bond usually waking up next to a woman,” they say. (My traumatized eleven-year-old self would argue against that, as I still remember the scene of Bond screwing Christmas Jones while everyone back at HQ comments on their increasing body temperature. Oh, and the “Christmas only comes once a year” joke.) Even better are the academics who in 2009 measured out Bond’s sexual encounters, tallying up the instances of “strong” sexual contact with 46 women and “mild” (kissing) romps with 52 others.
You gotta credit the BBC for running with the Bond angle in light of the new movie, because really this isn’t news. It’d be like asking average women to compare their sex lives to… I don’t know… Lara Croft? Black Widow? They’d easily come up wanting. Side note: There doesn’t seem to be any one woman who could be called “the female James Bond.” We should fix that.
Of course, with Bond being created in 1953, it’s not so surprising that being a womanizer comes to him as easily as chase scenes and using cool technology to outwit Russian baddies. But one thing he might want to keep on top of is his sexual health. “The likelihood of James Bond having chlamydia is extremely high,” says Dr. Sarah Jarvis, who BBC News interviewed. “If he came to my clinic I would definitely advise him to have an STI test.” Is it totally sexist of me to comment that this sounds like the set-up for a typical Bond scene where he seduces the pretty lady doctor out of her labcoat? I know you were thinking it.
So, men of the world, don’t despair, because it’s not like we expected you to be as promiscuous as Bond to start with. I’ll leave you with this:
Photo: Columbia Pictures