The Presidential Debate is tomorrow, October 3rd, and we hope you’ve been preparing… your livers, that is. Because there’s no way you want to sit through this back-and-forth between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney sober, right? As much as you might respect one or both candidates, so much of this debate is going to be about each trying to one-up the other. They’ve already planned their methods of attack, whether it be subtly undermining each other or, as we’ve heard with Romney, preparing a bunch of “zingers” that will undoubtedly fall flat. I don’t think the debate is going to do anything to change your opinions of who you’re voting for, so you might as well poke fun at how politics works.
And by that, I mean DRINK. As in, invite your friends over for a drinking game and raise your shot glasses to the candidates whenever they zing each other, commit gaffes, or say the buzzwords we’re already sick of.
Most of the set-ups I’ve encountered online suggest that as host you assign your party guests to different candidates—even better if it’s someone they wouldn’t necessarily vote for. Then you have a bit of a competition to see which “team” gets drunker first. The words vary from site to site, but here are some of our favorites.
let me be clear
From Cloture Club:
the auto bailout
killing of Osama bin Laden
better off than four years ago
champion for small business
thank the troops
we’re not better off than four years ago
mentioning either Bill or Hilary Clinton
college grads or freedom!
From Chronicle’s forums:
any self-deprecating reference to his own debate skills
his voice suddenly drops half an octave to sound more “presidential”
two drinks if Obama sounds like he was an agent in bin Laden’s death
uses “taxpayer” twice in one response
voice rises half an octave when he gets defensive
two drinks if his attempt at a zinger falls miserably flat
For the truly pessimistic, go with my personal favorite of the bunch: PolicyMic’s method of measuring how many seconds you drink by which phrases get uttered. You can’t take sides for this one; rather, it’s a struggle to see how long you can last when both candidates are trying to hammer in the necessary buzzwords and promises. Some of the obvious words — “class warfare,” “the 47%” — require only a two-second gulp, but once you start hearing “job killers,” the candidates’ spouses, or “Joe the Plumber,” you better get ready to chug. By the end of the night, you’ll be praying that Obama never talks about people building stuff.
Of course, visuals go a long way toward impressing your guests. Star-Telegram has all the buzzwords you’ll need to make up your own bingo cards: Pass them out at random to family and friends, and instruct them to cross out each word or action as it pops up. There’s a great mix between phrases like “doughnut holes” or “makers and takers,” and the more challenging actions to spot, like both candidates talking at once or moderator Jim Lehrer cutting one of them off. So you’ll have to listen and look, which of course will get more difficult as you get more sloshed.
Or if you’re feeling really fancy, use the money you’re saving from being on your parents’ health insurance — thanks, ObamaCare! — and pony up for DemocraticStuff’s all-in-one drinking game kit. For only $30, you get a luchadores-themed collection of cards and shot glasses that will be souvenirs long after we know who our next leader is.