• Tue, Oct 2 2012

Now Let’s Predict What Happens To All The Gallery Girls

In a blow that’s sure to be devastating to all the art connouiseurs of the world as well as the publicity team for the Manhattan vs. Brooklyn feud, Gallery Girls aired their season finale last night. And considering that not one of the girls made a post-show appearance on Watch And See If Anything Happens On My Live Show That Features The Most Random Collection of Celebrities You’ve Ever Seen Outside of a Vh1 ‘Best of’ Special with Andy Cohen, I’m almost positive that last night’s season finale doubled as a series finale.

As Chantal Chadwick would say, “get off the adderall. Show’s over and I’m moving to Paris.”

So rather than daydream wistfully that the show will get picked up for a second season and that we’ll finally find out if Angela Pham ever found a grown-up job to match her grown-up handbag, let’s talk about the future.

Just because it’s the end of a century, doesn’t mean we can’t find a new beginning of a millenium. Or a middle of a decade or a twilight of an eon.

Amy Poliakoff

Soon after getting a real job, Amy realized that making your own money greatly helps with your self-esteem, Amy Poliakoff immediately cut herself off from her father’s generous giving. There’s just something so wonderfully gratifying about being able to buy  your own bottles of wine and sit in your own tub with your own bubbles that you paid for all by yourself.

And then, she billed the End of Century girls for the pop-up store she funded for them in Miami after realizing that they not only didn’t appreciate her help, but they also stole Folgers coffee from her house and displayed it at End of Century in a gallery called “Middle Class Destitution and Sadness.”

Maggie Schaffer

After prematurely quitting her job with Eli Klein, Maggie shuffled back to him in defeat. With just one glance into her eyes, Eli says “don’t even mutter about it Maggie. I know.” He then told her to go into his back closet, reach behind his collection of pornograpy and grab the jewelry box that’s sitting on the shelf.

When she returned with the box, he instructed her to get on one knee and open it. It’s an engagement ring! Eli looks at Maggie, she looks at him.

“Sure, IguesswhynotIhatemylifeanyway,” she says adoringly.

“Great, you’ll plan the entire wedding, I’ll help with nothing and then I’ll cheat on you as soon as we get married!”

“Okay, letmejustcallRyanfirstandlethimknowthatitsoverandalsothatihatebowling.”

The two remain married forever, fully knowing that Eli cheats on Maggie with all his young, new interns.

Liz Margulies

Following several months of counseling for what Maggie Schaffer-Klein and her then-boyfriend Ryan did to her in Miami, Liz finally came to terms with the fact that all her anger actually stemmed from having to attend art school with Asians.

As soon as she realized this, she felt all the hatred flood out of her and she called her father and said, “I love you dad!”

He said, “I love you back” and suddenly everything changed. She no longer wanted to express her emotions through her artwork, but rather share her happiness and good fortune with the world.

After tattooing her favorite Anne Geddes portraits on her arms, she set out to bridge the dreaded gap between Manhattan trust fund babies and Brooklyn trust fund babies with an annual fundraiser called, “I have lipstick on my teeth, you have lipstick on your teeth, we all share the same stockbroker and should be friends!”

Kerri Lisa

Kerri Lisa gracefully quit her job as an intern so she could return fulltime to her job as a bagel-getter for men with private planes. However she soon missed the drama of both her jobs, as well as the excitement that came from going to dinner with a group of girls and then leaving without paying.

She’s currently auditioning for another Bravo reality show about Galosh Girls. Those are girls who aspire to get into the competitive world of designer galoshes.

Kerri believes that the experience might be able to help her if she ever decides to open up a galoshes boutique in her boutique hotel.

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  • Elissa

    I will be very surprised if there’s a second season, and even more surprised if I don’t watch. I also think these predictions will prove to be incredibly accurate…especially maggie’s.

  • http://www.facebook.com/AdriannaGrezak Adrianna Grężak

    Liz Margulies was on Watch what Happens Live recently. Maggie also said in a podcast interview that Kerri did actually pay her tab. The flaw of the show was that they were trying to create stories on all these women with a sporadic shooting schedule and/or editing. Half of the finale looked like it was taped in the winter, the other half looked like it was taped in the fall. Bravo is labeled as reality television, but a lot of the shows are “real” reactions to fabricated situations – the shooting is deliberately scheduled. The housewives all argue at parties because it’s the only time they see each other. In contrast, a show like Flipping Out really works because Jeff Lewis encouraged/allowed Bravo to shoot as much as possible. (Andy Cohen says this in his book)

    I thought that the season finale was open-ended. I predict that it will be back in one shape or form. It may not have received Bethenny Frankel ratings, but clearly a lot of people are talking about it.

    • Jenni

      Are you sitting here and telling me that reality TV isn’t real? I don’t buy what you’re selling. Sorry.

    • http://twilightirruption.blogspot.com/ abbeysbooks

      It isn’t real. Why don’t you buy? They are not separate from the filming. The filming affects the people. The manufactured reality show is hyper reality simulated reality. It is a benign version of the Hunger Games.

    • http://www.facebook.com/AdriannaGrezak Adrianna Grężak

      Sarcasm isn’t a particularly professional response considering I wasn’t even criticizing your article