Truly I tell you, the stars are aligning. I don’t know why I didn’t realize it sooner, but it’s no coincidence that about six months ago two phenomena from England made their way across the ocean: Fifty Shades of Grey became an erotic bestseller, and the boys of One Direction… well, they certainly got American ladies similarly hot and bothered.
All this time as we’ve been going through the list of Hollywood elite — and bonafide porn stars — to see who would be the best choice to play Christian Grey, we didn’t even think to pull a non-actor celebrity. And yet, after reading this quote from Harry Styles, I don’t know why I ever envisioned anyone else.
Harry told The Sun that while he hasn’t used his 1D millions to actually buy a copy of the book, he has perused E.L. James‘ naughty BDSM tale:
“I haven’t bought it, but a female friend of mine was forcing me to read it out to her the other day. They were like, ‘Just borrow this’, and I was like, ‘Hmmm’. It seems interesting. I could probably learn from it, I don’t know. I feel like it’s an educational and interesting read.”
Now, at first when I read that quote I thought that Harry was surely trolling us. I could easily envision his managers saying, “OK, Harry, everyone loves that Fifty Shades nonsense, so just spit out a sound bite about it and it’ll be trending on Twitter!”
But it can’t be coincidence that Harry is talking about incorporating the patented Christian Grey sex moves into his love life in the same weekend that a politician called him a “boinking machine,” right? Just the other day Britain’s Labour Party head Ed Miliband praised Harry’s sexual prowess, likely having heard of the whole Caroline Flack thing. And consider that! Both Harry and Christian have their own “Mrs. Robinsons.”
It would be the perfect move for Harry to cross over from music to Hollywood, but in such a cheeky way that totally fits his personality. Tumblr would explode. I’m gonna go strap some armor over my ovaries right now, just to be safe.