On The Real Housewives of Miami last night, the ladies were celebrating the 10th anniversary of Mynt, owned by Romain Zago, supposed fiancee to Miami Housewife and Polish-American model Joanna Krupa. Except I don’t know if I should still be throwing the word ‘fiancee’ around after her behavior in the episode last night.
Romain hasn’t been getting along lately with Joanna’s sister Marta, who lives with the two of them, and Joanna’s sister Marta used to date the DJ at Mynt until he left her for another girl. Obviously that means that the two of them did not part on good terms, and combined with the fact that Romain and Marta haven’t been getting along, Joanna started the night by warning her sister not to create any drama at Mynt. Except you know that thing where you get really wasted and do exactly what you were warning the other person not to do? Well, Joanna does, because she did.
The ladies started their evening at Lisa Hochstein‘s place, in the ‘House That Boobs Built’, having a pre-party with a sushi spread and drinking a combination of champagne and Red Bull they were calling ‘Chambull’. Always a good idea. The sisters were already sparring a little bit here, but they had to stop when Adriana De Moura-Sidi and Karent Sierra arrived, because the talk quickly turned to Elsa Patton‘s infamous face. Joanna apparently still had it a little bit together, because after a quick gaffe, she realized that Adriana was not into anyone making fun of Elsa’s paper bag face, and she backed off. For your own personal reference, we are apparently supposed to say she ‘looks good for her age’. That is the preferred verbage, even though it’s blatantly untrue.
Then the motley crew continued on to Mynt, where they were joined by Marysol Patton, Ana Quincoces, and Lea Black. With Lea came her best friend, drag queen Elaine Lancaster, who’s having a mini-feud over something that happened during a charity event last year where she may or may not have been allowed to walk the red carpet. Who knows. Who cares? Well Joanna does! She was drunk enough by this point that she was interested in stirring up the drama between Elaine and Marysol, so after hearing Marysol’s side of the story, she called over Elaine to have it out. But they both still seemed pretty sober, so it didn’t escalate into anything.
And then Joanna drifted away for a second, or a minute, or a year or something, and suddenly came back DEAD. WASTED. Like, standing in front of Romain and all the girls, slurring her words and swearing about Marta and the DJ and how he can’t do that to her, and he shouldn’t even be there. It was hard to get her jist, because she dropped off the edge of incoherence, but it seemed like she wanted Romain to fire the DJ for cheating on Marta, and obviously Romain’s not going to to that because he’s a businessman. And also it was Marta’s choice to date someone in the club.
Regardless, Joanna was belligerent drunk and railing on Romain on the day that A. he got his citizenship and B. celebrated ten years with his club, when most clubs hardly last one or two years. She was completely out-of-control, and may have even said something to the DJ, based on Marta’s enraged reaction a little bit later. But either way, Joanna and Romain have been engaged for five years with no movement, so I’ve got $10 on the line that says they never get married.
Just bear in mind that if I win, everyone who ever read this has to give me ten bucks. Great, so we’re agreed.
Other highlights included Lisa and Lea having bizarre relationships with their supposedly hired help, and Adriana brazenly hitting on Romain right in front of everybody at Mynt.