Just a few days ago, we laughed off reports that Beyonce was pregnant again—mostly because we still don’t believe she was pregnant the first time around. Video/.gif footage and a wonky timeline has us convinced that Bey employed the services of another woman’s womb to birth Blue Ivy, which isn’t anything to be ashamed of and yet they won’t come clean. Well, it’s gonna be a while longer before we can start analyzing Beyonce’s “baby bumps” again, because her husband Jay-Z told E! that they aren’t expecting a second child anytime soon. (And then called up their secret surrogate to make sure that there wasn’t something he was supposed to know.)
When asked if Beyonce will pop out another baby, he said, “Not in nine months, absolutely not.” Then he realized that considering that gossip sites could twist that around and suggest that the alleged bump they’d been fixating on was a couple months old, he added, “Not in one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight or nine months.”
That’s crafty, Jay-Z. Way to pull one over on the celebrity bloggers and keep us from picking apart what you said word by word. Except that ten months from now we’re gonna be looking for proof that the couple has signed a new contract and Beyonce is “expecting” again. Hah! July 27, 2013 we’ll be revisiting this. We’ve already saved it into our Google calendars.
Anyway, it’s probably for the best. After all, they did just drop $800 on blinged-out sneakers before Blue has even taken her first steps, so she’s obviously used to the attention. Imagine how hard it would be for her to learn that she’s not the only celebrity baby to inspire wild conspiracy theories. Give the poor girl a little more time in the limelight before giving her an equally mysterious little brother or sister.
Photo: Beyonce’s Tumblr