• Wed, Sep 26 2012

Let’s Spend Some Time Stalking Sean Lowe, The New Bachelor

In a move surprising to no one, ABC announced yesterday that its newest young stud for the 17th season of The Bachelor will be none other than Sean Lowe, who had his heart broken on Emily Maynard‘s season of The Bachelorette. Sean made it all the way to the top three before he was sent home, and has repeatedly said that he thought he was gonna marry Emily before he was blindsided with his elimination. He’s also winning out as Bachelor over several other rumored favorites, such as gold-medalist Ryan Lochte, and someone named Roberto Martinez, who comes from the beforetimes, when I didn’t watch the show yet.

So now that I know I’m gonna have to be watching this guy’s every move come January, when the next season airs, let me tell you what I think about him. First of all, he’s very attractive. He was in my Top 5 the minute he stepped out of the limo. Before Emily, he’d never really connected on that level to anyone. He dated a girl from his hometown who he said he loved very much, and was with for years, but never felt comffortable making that next step to commitment that he was ready to make with Emily after a matter of weeks. During his hometown visit, he played a prank on Emily where he pretended that he still lived at home, to gauge her reaction.

Oh and he’s a terrible kisser. TERRIBLE. I’ve never kissed him myself, but I’ve watched enough video of Emily doing it that I can surmise. Sean studies under the ‘curious eel’ school of thought, where he thinks that if you’re hot enough, you can just park your fat tongue in someone else’s mouth garage, and that equals making out. Nay nay nay, that is untrue. If there’s one wish I have for the contestants on Sean’s season, it’s that he goes to some kissing klasses before the first episode. Otherwise there are gonna be some wildly disappointed skinny girls with big eyes. (I haven’t seen the pictures of any of the competing bachelorettes, yet, but it’s a safe assumption that that’s what they’ll look like.)

As recently as a few weeks ago, Sean was still refusing to confirm that he was the new pick, so we didn’t have time to do the full, dirty background search on him that we would’ve liked, but a little research has revealed a few additional deets: Sean is 28-years old and an insurance agent for State Farm Insurance. He’s from Dallas, Texas, and he played football in high school and college. Religion is extremely important to him, as are family and abs. His season started filming this past Monday night. Oh, and we’re officially stalking him, so buckle in tight, Sean-y boy, and keep a leash on that makeout tongue. Or at least teach it some new tricks.

(Image: ABC / Tumblr)

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