I have this totally normal and healthy fantasy that Emma Watson and I are identical twins separated pre-conception. Like the not-twins in It Takes Two. And just like in that movie, Emma’s the rich child being fathered by Steve Gutenberg and I’m the orphan so desperate for love that I turn to Kirstie Alley for affection.
(Sidenote, what happened to Steve Guttenberg?He’s such a ghost of the ’90s. He raises one baby with three men and then disappears off the face of the earth. Totally uncalled for Steve!)
Today’s photos of Emma Watson looking like a blogger only make my fantasy seem more realistic. Where do I start with her obvious blogging-style fetish? The glasses? The ponytail? The writing utensil in her hands? It’s like wow.
I mean, here I am sitting at my blogging desk being a blogger, and these photos come out. Like if she walked into my office right now and applied to be a freelance writer, I’d totally buy it.
I’d be like, “do you mind that we can only pay you in death threats from commenters and copies of Fifty Shades of Grey?” And she’d be like, “Oh, it would just be an honor to write for such a revered online magazine! Why, I’d pay you to let me do it.”
And then I’d be like, “Stoooppp, but do go on” and she’d be like, “crumpet?” and I’d be all “don’t mind if a do.” Then we’d make each other say hilarious things in our respective accents and laugh and become Facebook friends and blood sisters and by the time Kirstie Alley came to pick me up, I’d look at Emma and be all like, “Look who’s talking now.”
(Photos: Optic Photos, PacificCoastNews.com)