• Mon, Sep 24 2012

Beyonce Can’t Be Pregnant Again, Because She Wasn’t Pregnant The First Time

Our frenemies over at Hollywood Life are exclusively reporting that an anonymous source confirmed that Beyonce is pregnant again. (Or just bloated. But baby bump gets so many more clicks, so let’s go with that.)

Silly reporters! Again means it’s happened before. Like you could say, “Beyonce’s secret surrogate mother is pregnant again,” or “Beyonce gets publicly pregnant for the second time, physically pregnant for the first time.” But according to the greatest conspiracy theory of all time, Beyonce never got pregnant with Blue Ivy. So saying otherwise would just be untrue-ish.

Naturally everything we’re about to go over comes from allegations and rumors. But the allegations and rumors added up into such a almost-believable scandal that we can’t help but want it to be true. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love Beyonce. And I love Blue Ivy because she’s a wonderful byproduct of Beyonce.

But I also love a good  celebrity conspiracy. So obviously I obsessed over the one that accused Beyonce of using a surrogate mother to grow Blue Ivy for approximately 9 months. While it sounds absoultely ridiculous that a celebrity would conceal a surrogate mother when other celebs like Sarah Jessica Parker use one openly, there’s so much evidence that it could be true.

And by so much evidence, I’m referring to the video that really kicked off all the rumors. You know, the video that showed her pregnant belly DEFLATING.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is that Beyonce might be expecting another child, but that doesn’t mean she’s pregnant with another child. Don’t let your excitement get the best of you when you’re telling all your friends that Sasha Fierce cooked up another baby for Blue Ivy to play with on their wonderfully photogenic vacations.

Make sure that you’re not among the people saying “pregnant again,” when we sorta, kinda all know that’s not the case. Be the pop culture expert that you know you’ve always wanted to be. Speak factually with a hint of conspiracy.

Oh, also, you might want to trademark your favorite color now before Beyonce and Jay-Z pull that stunt again.

(Photo: I Am Beyonce)

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  • Jon

    i don’t know why i’m so on-board with the fake pregnancy beyonce conspiracy while i have doubts about the rob/kstew publicity stunt

    • Jenni

      Because this one has video evidence. I always have a much easier time convincing doubters about Beyonce. Robsten can still be a hard sell for me.

  • ipsedixit010

    My theory is that she *was* pregnant, however, wore a prosthetic to conceal how far along she was (e.g. why it deflated). That would lead to an inability to guess what month she was and hopefully keep her due date/month private.

    • Jenni

      That’s actually pretty interesting. I’m intrigued.

    • http://twitter.com/Tobi_Is_Fab Nerdy Lucy

      That’s what I said. I don’t doubt at all that she was pregnant, especially after seeing her in a bikini during the pregnancy, but I do think she kept secrets about how far along she was, hence the prosthetic.

    • Rosie

      That’s exactly what I’m saying. She wore padding to throw the media off. Beyonce never confirmed her due date. I do believe she was pregnant.

  • Guest

    There are pics of her pregnant stomach in a white bikini on the beach. There is a video of her in that same bikini standing next to a tree and you can clearly see her pregnant stomach. It was her loose dress that folded. There are also maternity dresses with some padding around the belly. People really need to let this conspiracy go.

  • Guest

    The reason they trade marked Blue’s name is because there were a couple of people who wanted to start a baby clothing company named Blue Ivy Carter. They said Beyonce and Jay Z’s daughter was the inspiration for the clothes/name. Bey and Jay had every right to protect their child from being exploited by those people.

  • Anna

    What evidence is there that she used a surrogate? And I mean real evidence, not her dress folding. People have evidence in front of their face that she WAS pregnant, and still choose not to believe it. Ridiculous.

  • Jaci

    People should be ashamed of themselves…i mean really?! Just be happy for them….
    and mind your own business…it’s their lives

  • Jaci

    People should be ashamed of themselves…i mean really?! Just be happy for them….
    and mind your own business…it’s their lives

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  • Honesti

    Even if she did use a prosthetic to throw off the media, she still delivered on time! Explain that. She lied man. Accept it. The seemingly perfect Beyoncè, is a liar. If she told her fans that she’s actually white? they would believe it and come up with any kind of dumb excuse to justify it. I love the way Beyoncè sings and I’ve enjoyed many of her songs. But allow lying about being pregnant man, that’s low. And for that reason alone she’s lost my respect. I have 3 family members who are pregnant, all different shapes and sizes and I ain’t never see their stomach bend up in the middle like that. No freaking way unless Blue was that flexible.