Sometimes there are slow news days, and then sometimes there are days like today, which is honestly probably one of the slowest days I’ve ever experienced. All of the celebrities are snuggled up tight in their cocoons getting spiffed up for the Emmy Awards tonight, and if you think they’re gonna step out into the sunshine and risk scuffing their new peel, you have another think coming. Nope, it’s a scandal-free day over in Tinseltown, so I say we make our own fun, babies, and turn our gaze to Natalie Portman, who just dyed her hair blond.
OH GOD WHAT?!? I can’t believe it. To change the color of one’s hair unexpectedly, this is almost as crazy as the plot of Black Swan. Give this woman an Oscar. I don’t care that we’ve never given out an Oscar for hair-dyeing, get to Fort Knox and rustle one up for her. (Fort Knox is where we keep everything precious to America, like trophies, awards, and Tim Tebow‘s virginity.) She’s saving a slow news day for bloggers everywhere, the least we can do is put her up on a podium and start playing her out before she finishes her speech.
Anyway. Is this a big deal? No. She says it’s for a role, she just can’t say which one yet. What I will say, though, is that I’m surprised by how much I prefer Natalie as a brunette. Some people, like Amy Poehler, I prefer as blondes, even though they’re naturally brunettes, and some people, like Reese Witherspoon, look good either way (remember Walk the Line?) and throw me into a frothy, jealous rage, but Natalie Portman, you are neither of those two people. You are Natalie Portman, the girl next door whose pristine, symmetrical face looks best when surrounded by clean, straight, brunette strands. Would you still look better than me even with brightly colored hair a la Kate Winslet in Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless Mind? Yes. Well, probably. Actually I don’t know. But that, my friends, is a story for another (slow news) day. Today, I leave you only with this informative post about which actresses used to or currently have which different colors of hair.
You’re welcome. And could you just do me a quick favor and tell the celebrities to do something interesting on your way out? Thanks.