• Sun, Sep 23 2012

What The Olsen Twins Were Doing Instead Of Going To The Full House Reunion

Did you get a chance to feel old yet today? No? Awesome, because here’s your opportunity! Yesterday, the TV show Full House celebrated its 25th anniversary.

….

Aw jeez. I guess we should’ve been ready for that, since Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen were wee babes on the show, and now they’re unsmiling billionaires, but something about the miraculous agelessness of John Stamos left us living in the past and believing that the show just went off the air. But nay, you can’t be in denial anymore, because the cast met up for a 25th Anniversary Reunion, and took a bunch of pictures to prove it. Everybody’s there, looking strikingly similar, except for the house, which looks much more like a cake this time around. (Delicious delicious awnings.)

However, one former cast member was not present, and that cast member was Michelle Tanner, played by ye olde Olsen twins, as previously mentioned. Those two couldn’t drag their tiny asses down to wherever in California this was held for one day? C’mon, ladies. You better have a really good excuse. BUT. In case you don’t, I’m gonna give you five totally super awesome ones to choose from. Take your pick, twinsies:

  1. You were cycling through Europe on a tandem bike, when suddenly you met a set of fraternal twins whose mother crossed country lines between giving birth to them, making one of them French and one of them Italian, and both of them hot. You started a whirlwind romance, Mary-Kate with Guillermo, and Ashley with Pierre, and got so engrossed that you forgot all about the reunion.
  2. You started a prune-eating contest with each other in 2011 and nobody’s lost yet.
  3. One of your money tubs sprung a leak and you had to get it fixed because liquid gold and diamonds were flowing into the apartment below yours which belongs to a tiny troll who’s responsible for doing the manicures on each twin’s right foot, but not the left, because the centaur is better at that one.
  4. You had to go chastise Elizabeth Olsen for smiling on-set.
  5. Mary-Kate was installing a room full of mirrors and became convinced that her reflection was Ashley. She’s been in there ever since, convinced that the real Ashley is an impostor.

So yeah. Clearly one of those reasons. And if not, I’m sure I’ll hear from them in writing. We’re pretty close from when I used to play the…uh…dog on that show. Frankly, I don’t know why I wasn’t invited to the reunion.

(Image: Buzzfeed / WENN.com)

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