Dina Lohan Would Like A Second Chance To Act Like A Drunken Idiot On Dr. Phil, Please

After Dr. Phil finally aired that tragedy of an interview with Dina Lohan last week, I think everyone was pretty shocked as to how completely wasted she seemed. Like, we all have a level of messiness that we come to expect from the Lohan family, but this was over and above the bar that I’d set in my brain. She was insulting Dr. Phil, crying, laughing, squawking, and expressing a level of confusion about the running of the cameras not suggestive of a sober person. In short, she embarrassed herself, and I think we were all expecting her to go under the radar for a little bit, or at least try some damage control. But we accidentally forgot that she was Dina Lohan, who never makes good decisions. Allegedly. I mean according to my sources, which are my own eyes and ears and brains.

Instead of being a normal human being and checking into rehab or something, or getting on the right medications, or, barring those options, just not caring what the media thinks of you anymore, Dina wants to just go on the show again. She says she was in an extremely emotional state the first time, and Dr. Phil’s questions ‘caught her off-guard’. Well first of all,  you’re either stupid, or an idiot, because if I was Lindsay Lohan‘s mother, those are exactly the sort of questions I’d be expecting to answer on a national TV show. And secondly, this is going to work out great for Dina because life is a big video game, and as soon as you hit the ‘redo’ button, it erases all the mistakes you’ve already made, and plops you down onto a clean slate, where Dr. Phil is patiently waiting to interview you again, with his brain wiped completely clean. I’m sure he’ll be really kind when he interviews you, too! He won’t reference that old interview, or that time when you inexplicably made fun of ‘ your little tie and your little shoes’, because he won’t remember it! He’ll just want to make sure that you come out of the interview looking good! I guarantee it!

Except…none of those things. If I were Dr. Phil, I’d be pretty pissed at you. I’d also be pissed at my genetics, for taking all the hair from my head and putting it into my beard, but such is life. Oh and I’d have Dina Lohan back on my show. Because I don’t know how that car crash ends, but I know I want to rubberneck it.

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