Let’s Ask A Surgeon — What’s Really Going On With Mama Elsa Patton‘s Face?

A before picture, from Elsa’s younger, smoother days.

UPDATE: Elsa’s daughter Marysol finally spilled the beans on what really happened to Elsa’s face at the second season reunion!

If you’ve ever seen The Real Housewives of Miami, you’ve wondered, as I have, what in the name of deflated flesh balloons has happened to Housewife Marysol Patton‘s mother’s face. Elsa Patton is a psychic in Miami, and a terror to all human Muppets everywhere. She has had so many ill-fated procedures that it’s hard to even know where to begin, except to say that it looks like that someone tried and failed to restore the fresca version of her face, and instead just melted all the flesh-paint until it was warm and bubbly and ran down her face, where it rehardened into the puffy, lumpy mass we see today.

Starting to get the lips and the brows involved.

But it wasn’t a painting restoration gone awry that did this to Mama Elsa. It was a real, live, surgeon, who she referred to in the last episode only as, “the man who ruined my face.” Someone who theoretically has a medical degree allowed Elsa Patton to walk into his or her office looking like a normal(ish) person, and to walk out looking like a hot pocket drag queen. I can see that, you can see that — but as fun as it is to speculate wildly on what could have possibly happened to turn her skin into a delicious, bubbly calzone, we here at Crushable thought we’d turn to an actual expert to determine what might have gone on here behind-the-scenes.

Sloping gradually downhill.

We asked Dr. Richard Chaffoo, MD, FACS, FICS (those fancy titles mean he’s a Fellow of the American College of Surgeons, and the International College of Surgeons, and he’s been a working facial cosmetic surgeon for 20 years, so he knows his shit) about his professional opinion of Mama Elsa’s face, and he had this to say:

“It appears as though she had a brow lift, blepharoplasty, facelift, and fillers although she looks overdone and unnatural. Her eyebrows are raised too high in a surprised and artificial appearance.”

Ah yes, a blepharoplasty! I’m sure you know just what that is! (Actually you might, but we didn’t, so we asked — and it’s a cosmetic eyelid surgery. Mmmm, sounds delicious.)

And here’s our lady today.

So there you have it, folks. All your questions are answered. You’re looking at what happens when somebody tries to pull all the skin in your face up toward your ears, and then fills up the pockets of skin with fat from your butt, but does it wrong. Which is pretty much what Dr. Chaffoo said, but a lot smarter because I never went to medical school and I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. Much like whatever no-account surgeon did this to Elsa Patton’s face.

(Images: Bravo)

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    • Sara Sweeper D.

      She would have looked far prettier had she aged gracefully and took care of herself.

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    • pinkie

      So that was an eyebrow and eye-lid lift?

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        In an ideal world, yes.

    • http://www.facebook.com/lacherry.spice.5 La Cherry Spice

      I’m no doctor but by the look’s of her. I think she’s had industrial grade silicone injected into her face. That’s very popular amongst the transgender community. It is used to form the appearance of cheekbones, hips & breasts. This is quite common in the black market by unlicensed individuals. There have been numerous cases like this out of Los Angeles, New York, Philadelphia, Miami and other large metropolitan cities across the country. The most notable celebrity Priscilla Presley.

      • http://www.facebook.com/julie.latimer.hicks Julia Latimer Hicks

        I’m with La Cherry Spice – my thoughts exactly. In fact, I even thought of Pricilla Presley the first time I saw this woman’s face. It’s incredibly sad, and even more so because she knows that her face was ruined. I just can’t figure out how it is that her head and face seem too large for her body frame. She resembles Eric Stoltz in the movie “The Mask”. She should make a commercial about the damaging affects of cosmetic surgery and the importance of finding a respected, board certified plastic surgeon.

        Also, she has to be wearing a wig – don’t you think?

      • emmasgirl

        I’m a doctor and I totally agree. Wealthy people still try to get a bargain (that’s why they are rich!) and I guess she went to an unlicensed practitioner. She’s lucky to be alive.

      • ray

        Fuck u La Cherry Spice

      • ray

        u are a fucked person for this comment SERIOUSLY

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    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Phoenix-Summers/1087275551 Phoenix Summers

      I think she was an Xtra on Star Trek TNG movie : Insurrection

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    • Otto Repair-Tech

      There is nothing there that a disc sander, some Bondo and a can of Fix-a-Flat can’t repair

    • Kathy

      So sad that someone ruined her face. I just hope she sued his butt off! As a woman, I feel for her. But, this is exactly why I don’t get plastic surgery. I’d rather deal with my natural lumps and bumps.

      • Angel

        amen this is reason enough to out law plastic surgery all together !

    • Fit female

      That damn surgeon should be without a license

    • princessa

      I think she suffers from the laymans term, Lionitis or
      Craniodiaphyseal dysplasia. Look it up folks. For Marisol to state that she doesns’t know what procedures her Mother had is absolutley absurd. She obviously doesn’t want to talk about it. No surgeon can make someones head and skull grow to that proportion. Andy is hysterical putting her on the show. What a way to boost ratings.

    • Take Our Country Back

      How can Marisol not know what her Mother has had done? My mom is very very private but you’d better believe that if someone ruined her face like that I’d find out who, what, why and we’d be making it right for my Mom. Marisol seems to be a loving daughter that respects her Mother’s wishes, but she should be honest and say “that isn’t for me to talk about, you need to ask my Mom that question” and let’s see who has the desire to ask Elsa.

    • Take Our Country Back

      If you notice, even in the before photos she has that heavy looking area between nose and upper lip just like Marysol does. That is probably a family trait, but the rest …… NOT normal. That Dr’s name should be all over the press so other people aren’t damaged by him.

    • talljohn777

      Clearly, she was hit repeatedly by an ugly stick….

    • Ladydi1

      Geeze. It looks like a lot of folks in Miami have had way more plastic surgery than any one county needs.
      I have heart disease with a limited life expectancy. What a luxury to worry about thin lips or lines around my eyes.
      Get your priorities straigh. Be honest, be generous and nonjudgemental and you will already be beautiful.
      Just saying.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=614779185 Taumy Laughlin

        Theyre products of a very skewed environment, I think it’s sad personally. But I concur Ladydi, it’s hard to fathom such foolish behavior.

      • Phil Rozzi

        All people in Miami are screwed up. Most of the women have plastic surgery and aids.

    • BlackBeauty

      She looks like a Halloween Costume or Leatherface from Texas Chainsaw Massacre. My mom is in her 50′s and she is the prime example of “black don’t crack” my mom doesn’t have a wrinkle or blemish on her face and she has never worn an ounce of make-up. It’s funny how white and hispanic people talk so crazy about black women when every black woman I know (including my own family) look so young for their age including celebrity women (ie Chaka Khan, Dianne Carol and the list goes on and on).

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=614779185 Taumy Laughlin

        Have you seen the Swedes? Outstanding specimens. But I agree, there are some pretty phenomenal genes in the world of African Americans- I just turned 50 and I feel like a million bucks, there’s nothing like happiness and quality genes (Native American/Irish here)

        ; )

      • John

        @Black Beauty:
        Good for your mother.

        However, define “talk so crazy about black women”…? I’d be willing to bet ALL women talk about other women…race has nothing to do with it.

    • Angel

      I don’t get how pulling skin made it look all stretched ? this baffles me ,but then we see a certain designer walking around with her head held high that looks similar . can this be fixed ?

      • Raveana Agms

        Pulling skin = stretched skin. I hope i am misunderstanding your comment because i do not see how pulling doesnt equal stretching in your mind

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    • grammydarlene

      isn’t there a way to fix it? you would think with all the money they have why wouldn’t Marisol take her mother to a ‘real’ surgeon to have it fixed instead of letting her mother suffer like that???