• Thu, Sep 20 2012

Let’s Ask A Surgeon — What’s Really Going On With Mama Elsa Patton‘s Face?

A before picture, from Elsa’s younger, smoother days.

UPDATE: Elsa’s daughter Marysol finally spilled the beans on what really happened to Elsa’s face at the second season reunion!

If you’ve ever seen The Real Housewives of Miami, you’ve wondered, as I have, what in the name of deflated flesh balloons has happened to Housewife Marysol Patton‘s mother’s face. Elsa Patton is a psychic in Miami, and a terror to all human Muppets everywhere. She has had so many ill-fated procedures that it’s hard to even know where to begin, except to say that it looks like that someone tried and failed to restore the fresca version of her face, and instead just melted all the flesh-paint until it was warm and bubbly and ran down her face, where it rehardened into the puffy, lumpy mass we see today.

Starting to get the lips and the brows involved.

But it wasn’t a painting restoration gone awry that did this to Mama Elsa. It was a real, live, surgeon, who she referred to in the last episode only as, “the man who ruined my face.” Someone who theoretically has a medical degree allowed Elsa Patton to walk into his or her office looking like a normal(ish) person, and to walk out looking like a hot pocket drag queen. I can see that, you can see that — but as fun as it is to speculate wildly on what could have possibly happened to turn her skin into a delicious, bubbly calzone, we here at Crushable thought we’d turn to an actual expert to determine what might have gone on here behind-the-scenes.

Sloping gradually downhill.

We asked Dr. Richard Chaffoo, MD, FACS, FICS (those fancy titles mean he’s a Fellow of the American College of Surgeons, and the International College of Surgeons, and he’s been a working facial cosmetic surgeon for 20 years, so he knows his shit) about his professional opinion of Mama Elsa’s face, and he had this to say:

“It appears as though she had a brow lift, blepharoplasty, facelift, and fillers although she looks overdone and unnatural. Her eyebrows are raised too high in a surprised and artificial appearance.”

Ah yes, a blepharoplasty! I’m sure you know just what that is! (Actually you might, but we didn’t, so we asked — and it’s a cosmetic eyelid surgery. Mmmm, sounds delicious.)

And here’s our lady today.

So there you have it, folks. All your questions are answered. You’re looking at what happens when somebody tries to pull all the skin in your face up toward your ears, and then fills up the pockets of skin with fat from your butt, but does it wrong. Which is pretty much what Dr. Chaffoo said, but a lot smarter because I never went to medical school and I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. Much like whatever no-account surgeon did this to Elsa Patton’s face.

(Images: Bravo)

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  • ingrid

    by the way LEA what a bitch..she has no idea how so many people in the world suffer..shame on her to be so oblivious…Karma is a bitch and she will pay the price eventually

  • http://www.facebook.com/arlene.mcintosh.7 Arlene McIntosh

    I feel sorry for these people because they all look horrible – it’s like they have so much money and don’t know what to do with it. I would hate to live this lifestyle – it makes me feel happy with mine and Elsa I don’t even know what to think about her – she is not normal.

  • anna harding

    With all the plastic surgeons out there isn’t there one surgeon brilliant enough to fix her face..wow this would bring them so much business if they could redo her face. Let this be a lesson to all you morons who mess around with what you were born with. Do you hear me Kris Jenner? This is your future

    • Erin

      I believe she explained in the Reunion that she can’t be operated on anymore due to the damage that’s been caused. It would make sense. Skin and muscle can only take so much and her’s clearly is severely damaged.

  • yetti1974

    Person with money and no intelligence is dangerous.

  • zaigon

    I have seen this lady in person, at the time I did not know who she is, she looks like a mask, she is horrible, In my opinion, no surgery could do her face back. The more they try the worst it is going to get, but to me it looks like to many procedures were done. Now a days you see many women like her in the streets, the ugly big lips. the ears always in the middle of their heads from pulling.

  • OneWingedButterfly

    “what would you rather be? 52 and look 52 or be 52 and look like a 22 year old lizard?” Bill Burr

  • mitchT

    “One more facelift and she’ll have a goatee.” (Phyllis Diller)

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  • Grog

    Martial is starting to look just like her mother. Obviously, she has learned nothing from her mom’s experience.

  • Grog

    Marasol, sorry. Computer changed it.

  • Charter

    Elsa Patton looks like a Ninja Turtle.

  • Kas

    Well I clearly believe that the Housewives of Miami take the prize for the most plastic surgery ever!!! With regard to mama Elsa, to me she is still so beautiful, she is a truly beautiful person who shines inside out, very warming woman and she and her daughter clearly have a genuine affection and wonderful mother and daughter relationship. These girls I think can quit on the plastic surgery route now, as Elsa proves that some surgeons no matter how brilliant their credentials can ruin your outward looks.

  • drdem

    Mama Elsa “Cat Fish Face” should sue whoever did that to her .
    But Being as she once called our President an “Animal ” I can sleep better
    at night knowing she´ll look like that for a long time