(Photo: David Tonnessen/PacificCoastNews.com)
Well, The Amanda Show is back on the air, but this run isn’t quite suited for Nickelodeon. Amanda Bynes, 26, has had her share of trouble recently, and her behavior is only getting weirder. Move over Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan… Amanda’s in the driver’s seat now. With a suspended license and a bong. And she’s headed straight for the edge. Of sanity.
How did we not see the Amanda Bynes meltdown coming? It should have been so obvious! I guess we were all a little too preoccupied with the more well-known, more successful, and seemingly more fucked up members of the Disney camp to realize that Nickelodeon could also produce a child-star turned train-wreck.
Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan have been very entertaining hot messes over the past few years, with their crotch-shots and driving records and barefoot trips into gas station bathrooms. Don’t worry ladies, your antics will not be forgotten. And we fully expect more to come. But this year, Amanda Bynes is proving that she simply can’t transition into obscurity with grace. She’s stepping up her crazy-game and showing the world that Nickelodeon has-beens can go off the deep end, too. I guess mouse ears and parent traps aren’t the only prerequisites for breaking down before the age of 30 anymore.
Amanda, however, insists she isn’t having a Britney Spears type meltdown. Ok, so she hasn’t shaved her head. Yet. But does this seem like a sane person to you?
She also insists that she doesn’t have a substance abuse problem… but she seems like Honey Boo Boo on the go-go juice to me. Slippery slope? I think so.
If you remember her from the days of All That, she was always going for that whole quirky thing. But she’s no Zooey Deschanel, and Amanda seems to have confused “quirky” with “crazy.” Even the network that brought her to the small screen has called her dumb, as you can see in this clip from All That. What was originally a harmless joke turned out to be a sad prophecy. Poor Amanduhhh.
Dumb or not, when Amanda Bynes appeared on Nickelodeon, she was annoying, but still kinda cute. Now she’s not cute at all, and basically just annoying. Especially to Lindsay Lohan, who is really getting the short of the stick here. She recently tweeted: “Why did I get put in jail and a nickelodeon star has had NO punishment(s) so far?”
Amanda, do you think you’re still All That? You’re messing with LiLo’s steez, and are clearly a danger to anyone on the road. And any pedestrian. And any parked car. And oh yeah, any curb.
So how is it that she went from this:
(Photo: Michael Wright/WENN.com)
Oh, you want me to break it down further. Here goes:
1996-2002: Amanda’s featured on the cast of Nickelodeon’s All That.
1999-2002: Amanda gets her own sketch comedy show. It’s called The Amanda Show, and is probably the catalyst for whatever personality disorder she may now be afflicted with.
2003: What a Girl Wants. This movie was not what I wanted.
2006: She’s the Man. Eh. Shakespeare, and Amanda in drag…
2007: Hairspray. Eh. Remake.
February 21, 2011: Amanda listens to a secret from her scarf? This would support current claims that she’s been speaking to inanimate objects.
December 12, 2011: This shopping trip to Ralph’s supermarket happened…
(Photo: Jeff Steinberg/PacificCoastNews.com)
Now, here’s where it really gets good…
March 8, 2012: Amanda’s first run-in with the law. Cop pulls her over for talking on the phone while driving, she drives away before the ticket is written out. Way to go, Amanda.
March 17 & 22, 2012: TMZ catches Amanda stumbling, drunk, out of a nightclub and getting into her car. Twice.
April 6, 2012: Amanda’s first arrest! For sideswiping a cop car, not for dying her hair that awful color.
(Photo: LA County Sheriff/PacificCoastNews.com)
April 10, 2012: Amanda hits a car on the freeway, and speeds off. AKA hit-and-run.
April 13, 2012: Silly Amanda Bynes. This time, she runs over a curb while texting. But the text was probably really important, and she was probably really tired (from her long night of partying).
May 5, 2012: Another hit-and-run.
June 6, 2012: Amanda Bynes thinks it’s a good idea to tweet the President. “Hey @BarackObama… I don’t drink. Please fire the cop who arrested me. I also don’t hit and run. The end.”
August 5, 2012: OMG so many hit-and-runs! In a momentary lapse of judgment, Amanda tried to reattach her victim’s fallen bumper–herself–before reverting back to her usual ways, and fleeing the scene.
August 21, 2012: Amanda can’t stop playing bumper cars! She must think car accidents are so much fun!
September 5, 2012: Drivers rejoice, Ms. Bynes finally gets her license suspended.
September 10, 2012: Stop rejoicing, Amanda’s still on the road. She’s caught driving on her suspended license with no headlights on.
September 13, 2012: Put this in your pipe and smoke it–not only is Amanda Bynes still on the road, now she’s also high. And eating tacos.
September 14, 2012: Oh I can’t even. It’s fender bender time again, because rules like “don’t drive on a suspended license” obviously do not apply to Amanda Bynes.
September 15, 2012: Amanda’s been on the express train to crazy town, and people are finally noticing. She’s so close to Britney status, I bet she can almost taste it. And it probably tastes insane! Bynes has allegedly been randomly bursting into laughter at the gym–while on the elliptical, no less. Crying I might understand. Sometimes the elliptical is difficult. But laughter? Neighbors have also reported that she sometimes speaks to inanimate objects.
September 16, 2012: FINALLY. Amanda Bynes’ car gets impounded when she’s pulled over again while driving around on her still suspended license.
September 17, 2012: Where to begin. With the dressing room incident? The one where Amanda Bynes locked herself in an L.A. boutique’s dressing room for two hours? Maybe she was trying on clothes, maybe she was daydreaming about being back in her now impounded car, maybe she was giving a lecture to her imaginary friends. Who knows.
I can’t wait to see how this all plays out. I love a good hot mess, and since Britney’s closer to reality than ever before, frankly, I’ve been a little bored. Thanks Amanda. This is wayyyyy better than sketch comedy. And if you’re really crazy, I hope you get some help (and are public about it.)