After last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of New York City, I think we can all agree we’re on Aviva Drescher overload. I was all geared up for this to be the intervention episode with Sonja Morgan, but instead I just got to hear Aviva retell ‘The Glorious Saga Of The Lukewarm Reception’ to any Housewife who stood still long enough to hear it. These bitches aren’t even in St. Barth’s anymore, and still that’s all Aviva can talk about. She met up with Carole Radziwill and Heather Thomson, then with Heather again, and then finally with Sonja, and each time her only chosen subject was herself and how hard it was for her not to be welcomed warmly.
And to make it worse, all the other girls talk about when Aviva isn’t around, is more fucking Aviva, with a little sprinkling of Sonja and her downward spiral, and LuAnn de Lesseps and her overactive lady parts. (Yes, parts — plural. Her vagine is overactive because she used it on Tomas on the island, and her ovaries are overactive because she’s poking them for the benefit of the chinless, cuckolded Jacques so he can put a baby in her belly and save the relationship. Hurray!) But those topics only provided brief glimmers of distraction, and then it was back to the main event. In Heather’s words, “For someone who had a miserable time in St. Barth’s, she sure loves to relive it.” Yeah, come on, Crazyface, it’s time to get over it. Everybody overreacted down there and said things they didn’t mean. Either get over it or move on from your friendships with these girls.
And by ‘these girls’ I really mean everyone, as there’s not a single person on the show who feels kindly toward you right now. Particularly Ramona Singer, who you’ve decided is more at fault than Sonja and who I literally can’t wait to see you duke it out with next week. I’m predicting lots of loud, horsey neighs by Aviva followed by wide-eyed hair tossing by Ramona. Not to be missed.