So everyone’s up in arms over the fact that Amanda Bynes spent two measly hours locked in a dressing room yesterday at an L.A boutique.
TMZ even went as far as to say she barricaded herself into the dressing room. Which immediately makes me start imagining that she went all Home Alone in there and spent two hours concocting deadly booby traps. But that’s just what the word “barricade” means to me.
While everyone’s quick to assume that she spent two hours building a meth lab and having a nervous breakdown in there, her purchase of a few items at end of the marathon dressing room session makes me believe that she could have just been in there trying on clothes.
Which I suppose brings us to the question as to why it took her two hours to try on clothes. Let’s put on our lab coasts and hypothesize like professional celebrity scientists.
1. After spending several weeks juice cleansing, she naturally assumed she’d gone down a few sizes. However the juice cleanse backfired and she gained approximately 6 pounds. Therefore nothing she brought into the dressing room with her fit. But after making a big deal to the saleswoman about how wonderfully refreshing and rejuvenating juice cleansing could be, she couldn’t just go back out there and ask for a larger size. So she spent two hours praying for instant weight loss.
2. She miscalculated her ability to fit a tight dress over her head and got stuck in it while trying to put it on. It took approximately two hours to find the hidden zipper on the side that made it possible to try on.
3. Sensing an opportunity to get back at Lindsay Lohan, she texted her photos of every outfit she tried on with messages like, “this skort sure looks great without handcuffs” and “hmmm, which color goes better with a free woman?”
4. Using her mysterious powers, she teleported in and out of the store. Looks like the joke’s actually on us.
5. While she might take risks on the roads, she’s not going to take them in the dressing room. She makes sure to try on every item over and over again to make sure it fits perfectly. Despite what you may believe, the disheveled child star look dosen’t just happen. It’s a very calculated style that takes a lot of time and effort to piece together.
And there you have it. 5 totally rational and reasonable explanations for DressingRoomGate 2k12.
May Amanda Bynes continues to surprise us with her life choices!
(Photo: Pedro Andrade/KVS)