• Sun, Sep 16 2012

Ugh, You Guys — Kristen Stewart And Robert Pattinson Are Back Together

Even as much as we all knew this would happen, I’m still pissed off about it. Having milked the cheating scandal for as long as possible (and longer!), The Sun is reporting that Robert Pattinson has finally forgiven Kristen Stewart, and the two are back together. They’ve even apparently moved back in together, with an insider saying:

“They pretty much decided they couldn’t live without each other. Kristen poured her heart out to Robert and told him it was a one-off and a mistake.”

Well golly, thank gosh for that. Let’s just move right back in with each other mere months before the premiere of the final movie in the Twilight franchise. I sure hope we don’t have any lovers spats or quarrels right before the movie comes out that might give it even more free publicity! We wouldn’t want to distract from the melodramatic story of two vampires trying to be together with the melodramatic story of two humans trying to be together. That would be ridiculous. Almost as ridiculous as me now knowing the names Rupert Sanders and Liberty Ross.

They did it, you guys. They successfully used us. The official story is that Robert’s dad convinced him to take back Kristen because he didn’t like what was being said about her in the media, but it’s hard for me to be anything but cynical about this, especially as the pair just moved into the same housing complex as Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. I don’t know why, but that makes me super suspicious that there’s still more going on here. Probably because Brangelina also began their relationship with a cheating scandal, and it lead to the most successful and famous period of both their lives.

Ugh, goddamnit, I’m just realizing now how much time and speculation I’ve wasted on these two — this news broke right around July 25th, so K-Stew and R-Patz officially stole almost two months of my time with this scandal that maybe wasn’t even a real scandal at all but we’ll never know for sure. It’s like the modern mystery of our time, like who killed JFK, or what happened to Amelia Earheart, or why Lady Gaga exists.

Sigh. Oh, Robsten. I wish I knew how to quit you.

(Image: WENN.com)

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