Why Bravo is moving into the scripted-TV realm is beyond me, because they’ve got a good thing going with the Real Housewives franchise and Andy Cohen interviewing highbrow and lowbrow celebs every night at midnight. But the network soldiers on in acquiring at least eight new series, even though the sad irony is the ideas behind their reality shows are more original than anything scripted! Seriously—if you read through this round-up from IndieWire, you’ll see that most of their upcoming shows are remakes of foreign programs or adaptations of movies.
And then there’s the worst offender: The Heathers TV show. This has been in development since 2009, but now it seems as if this reboot is actually happening. Now, Heathers is one of those movies that even we didn’t originally see in theaters, so I wouldn’t be surprised if you, our readers, had missed out. In short, this ’80s cult classic starred Winona Ryder and Christian Slater as a popular girl and her outcast boyfriend, who blackmail and terrorize the school’s popular girls, all named Heather. Think Mean Girls if not only had Regina George actually been hit by that bus, but then Cady Heron forged her suicide note.
TV writers Mark Rizzo and Jenny Bicks (Sex and the City) seem committed to making Heathers relevant for the next generation by jumping ahead two decades. The Hollywood Reporter describes the plot as such:
In the updated take, Heathers picks up 20 years later, with Veronica (Ryder’s character) returning home to Sherwood with her teenage daughter, who must contend with the next generation of mean girls: the Ashleys: the daughters of the surviving Heathers.
For one, the whole “Let’s do the same story, just twenty years later and with new names,” is really lame. Secondly, there’s already a TV show where the fearsome Ashleys clique rules over the playground—and that show is Recess. Now this show I bet you do know, since it was part of our One Saturday Morning bread and butter; every week we tuned in to watch T.J. Detweiler and the rest of his crew navigate the politics of the brief period of time between classes. And in most episodes, the prissy, secretive Ashleys commented on the goings-on around them with their signature catchphrase… which also works rather well in this situation. Say it with me now: Ooh, SCANDALOUS!
Like, who could forget the Recess episode where everyone finds out that Spinelli’s first name is Ashley and she has to join the clique?
Genius. Which is why it’s so upsetting that the Heathers TV show will just retread old ground, and not as well. You would think the writers would have at least done a quick Google search before putting together character names.
Photo: New World Pictures