Happy 32nd birthday to the lovely and talented Michelle Williams! My birthday wish for you is that your adorable and equally talented boyfriend, Jason Segel proposes to you today! Sure, you’ve only been publicly together since April, but I have zero to no understanding of how adult relationships work. The extent of my knowledge is when you’re in college and you’re about to break up for the summer, you should probably move in with each other to prolong the minor heartbreak into major headache. But Michelle and Jason aren’t in college, so I don’t have any fitting advice for them except: GET MARRIED BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO.
But regardless, it’s probably an appropriate time, right? They’re both Hollywood-types, and those relationships move quickly anyway. Plus they’re both over thirty, so it must be well-thought-out. That’s another misperception that I have: once you turn thirty, all decisions turn into black-and-white options that you weigh carefully but don’t really have to think very hard about because you’re thirty and all-knowing and you cannot make mistakes. (This post should be submitted as ‘Exhibit A’ in the case of why I have no business dating anyone ever.) All I know is that I want them to be together, so I have decreed it shall be so. And as a bonus, they look adorable walking through the city together with Michelle’s daughter Matilda, so how can you go wrong? Also please excuse me as I spend my weekends casually lurking around your known haunts, hoping for a glimpse of you.
So that is my wish for you on your special day, Michelle — that you end it engaged to an adorable human Muppet, so that my heart can feel warm and fuzzy knowing that I, a humble blogger, have brought you together.