Fabulous news for everyone who believes in traditional families! Last night Katy Perry kissed Niall Horan from One Direction at the 2012 VMAs. Which we all know means that she’s now pregnant with his child. While this news came about 5-18 years sooner than I expected for Niall, I’m still thrilled to hear he’s going to be a father. I mean, hey, whatever happened to predictability? (Sure, she kissed Harry Styles too, but who hasn’t?)
Oh, won’t they make the most wonderful family in the entire world? Katy Perry, Niall Horan, Baby Horan and John Mayer. Obviously John will be the lovable stepfather who’s not allowed to be left alone with the baby. I can just see it all so clearly now.
They’ll all move into a big house in San Francisco and invite everyone to come live with them and raise their child in the appropriate faux-uncle way. Harry Styles, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne and Louis Tomlinson.
Heck, you know what. They can all bring a plus one! Otherwise it will be too hard for Harry Styles to keep up with his 78-year-old girlfriend. Nursing home hours can be so frustrating sometimes!
Sure there will be struggles and sure it will be hard to evict Joey Gladstone from their basement, but I just know it will work out.
And if the old Smash Club is still open, I bet they can still perform occasionally. You know, when The Beach Boys aren’t in town.
I take back everything I muttered to myself last night about the VMAs being boring. Last night’s VMAs were the best VMAs ever.*
*ever refers exclusively to all VMAs held in 2012