The 2012 MTV Video Music Awards are tonight and I couldn’t be more excited to watch them. As much as I love the other award shows, there’s always something so wonderfully special and unique about the VMAs. Maybe it’s because all the celebrities I spend all my time writing about always show up or maybe it’s because there are always fun surprises. Like the time Beyonce revealed her pregnancy on stage at the 2011 VMAs. You won’t see Meryl Streep doing that at the Oscars.
That’s why I plan on spending my entire night watching the show from start to finish. And I hope you’ll join me as we liveblog it on Crushable AND livetweet it @Crushabledotcom. Because there’s nothing quite as fun as spotting a nip slip and analyzing it over and over again with strangers on the Internet.
With that said, there better be nip slips. As well as a whole lot of celebrity scandals. In fact I made a neat little list of all the celebrities who I’d like to cause a scene tonight. You know, just to make life a little easier for them so they know what’s expected.
These days it’s just not enough to simply show up and accept an award. I want drama, I want romance and I want at least one absolute fashion disaster.
1. Taylor Swift needs to make out with her 18-year-old high school boyfriend Conor Kennedy at least 6 times. One time for every class he missed today to attend the VMAs with his girlfriend. And then, when the cameras catch her making out, I want to see her classic face. You know the one.
2.When the Breaking Dawn: Part 2 clip airs, I want a moment of silence for Robert Pattinson. The brave, brave heartbroken man who left his cave of loneliness and sadness to venture out to an awards show. Then I want the camera to pan over to the seat next to him and show us that while it looks empty, it’s actually full of sorrow for his lost relationship with Kristen Stewart. Finally, I want him to make out with Taylor Lautner to show us that he’s going to be okay. He’s going to get through this publicity stunt in one piece.
3. Not since the halcyon days of the *NSYNC and Backstreet Boys fan showdowns have we experienced such a music division among middle school girls. Tonight One Direction and The Wanted will be both be in attendance and they will both be up for the Best New Artist award. Naturally, I expect a fight. Not physical, but definitely emotional. I want to hear just how much shade Harry Styles can throw their way.
4. Now that Nicki Minaj came out as a full-fledged Mitt-Romney-Loving Republican, I expect her to wear an elephant down the red carpet. Not an elephant suit, but the body of a real elephant. She likes going to extremes with her outfits and I expect her to continue the grand tradition this year. In fact, I took the time to draw out a sketch of what I’m envisioning. It doesn’t look like much now, but picture it with bright blue eyeshadow.
5. Katy Perry and John Mayer should break-up and reconcile during the show. Like maybe he can text her when she’s in the bathroom, “sorry, a hawt intern walked by and I invited her to take your seat.” And then she could storm the stage and sing an impromptu pop hit song about John Mayer having a legitimate teenage dream. Then he’d be so excited by all the attention he’s getting that he misunderstand his emotions and tells her to come sit back down next to him. They’d kiss and make-up.
We’d wake up in the morning and find out that they got married. Then divorced with in the hour.
6. Kanye West can pull a Kanye West. You know for old times sake. Then when he’s up on stage doing that, Beyonce can snub his girlfriend Kim Kardashian. For new times sake.
7. Everyone in the entire room should pull a YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US with Chris Brown. You know, remind him that making good music doesn’t make up for being an unapologetic woman beater.
While I know I’m asking for a lot, I think I’m asking it of the right celebrities. The people I know can deliever when it comes to making a scene. And I promise that every celebrity who causes a scandal tonight, will get covered on Crushable tomorrow. I think it’s a fair exchange.