• Thu, Sep 6 2012

Party Like It’s 1999: Simon Cowell Ignites a Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera Feud

You know what this decade needs?  A solid Britney and Christina showdown.  In keeping with its reputation for always extending the olive branch, NBC announced they will air an extra night of The Voice next Wednesday, September 12, against FOX’s X-Factor premiere.  Renowned peacekeeper Simon Cowell is, of course, extremely pissed off about this recent programming update.

Simon claims he was under the impression that NBC and FOX had a “gentleman’s agreement” over the issue, which I imagine includes a bit of mustache twirling, a monocle or two, and dueling pistols.  In a statement to TMZ, Simon claimed NBC’s actions were a ”cynical, cold-hearted, unprofessional way of doing business,” not unlike Simon’s own nipples.

He wasn’t too affronted to use this as a prime PR opportunity (and 8th grade flashback) by deciding to publicly pit Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera against each other.  Claims Simon:

“The reason they’ve done this is they don’t want people to see ‘X Factor’ because they’ve heard how good the series is. They don’t want their audience to see Britney Spears.”

BOO-YAH, NBC!  In yo FACE!  Oooh, SNAP!  [Feel free to substitute any of these with other 90's key phrases from Jenny Jones and Ricki Lake.]  You hear that, X-tina?  I know you’re crazy, you know you’re crazy, the entire country knows you’re crazy… but are you crazy enough to shave your entire head and lay the beatdown on paparazzi bystanders using a giant golf umbrealla?  Only time will tell!

Adding further fuel to the previously non-existent-in-ten-years fire:

“Britney is not going to appreciate the fact that Christina — who has been a bit of a rival — isn’t allowing Britney to have a night of her own. She’s going to be devastated because she’s put her heart and soul into this.”

I can’t wait to see if X-tina responds, or if any of her co-judges on The Voice back her up since they seem to be pretty indifferent and display forced tolerance of her overall.  It’ll be interesting to see how this battle of wits plays out.

Whether you’re Team Drunk Spraytan or Team Autotune Meltdown , I think we can all agree on one thing: The first rule of Mickey Mouse Fight Club is that you don’t talk about Mickey Mouse Fight Club

 

 

(Photo by: WENN)

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