I hope you have your broom handy. Because this news about Will Arnett and Amy Poehler separating will shatter your heart. And tell you what, no one’s going to be around to sweep up the pieces. Because life sucks right now and I can’t fathom a reason to go on living.
Us Weekly reports that the couple broke up amicably and everyone’s on great terms with each other.
Except for me. I’m a mess. I’m not on great terms with anyone right now. How can two of my favorite people in the world just destroy love like that. Does memorizing every line from their hilarious episodes together on Arrested Development count for nothing?
How can they take my heart and throw it on the floor like I mean nothing to them. I mean, I have half of a mind right now to fly out to L.A and take Archie and Abel out to ice cream so we can commiserate together.
But something tells me that’s highly inappropriate — and highly unlikely.
I guess we’ll always have the Gap. And Adele. So much Adele music needed right now.
Also, I think I just became an atheist.