DNC Announces Star Studded Lineup; Why Are So Many Celebrities Democrats?

No matter your political affiliation, you have to admit that the DNC is heaps more glamorous than the RNC. The RNC had a ton of old white dudes (one of whom yelled at a chair) and some of the worst music of all time, while the DNC just announced that its speakers will include Scarlett Johansson, Kerry Washington, and Natalie Portman, with a performance by universally liked band The Foo Fighters. Which begs the question: why are so many celebrities democrats?

1.) Guilt

Hollywood actors get paid a ridiculous amount of money to play dress up and pretend to be other people. Most of them feel a little bit guilty about this, and think some of that money should go to providing basic social services to people who can’t afford food, clothes, etc. While business tycoons like Mitt Romney set out to make money for the sake of making money, actors generally set out to…well, act. The embarrassment of riches is just a nice side effect. Hence, they’re not as in love with keeping every last million they make as a rich person whose sole objective in life is to gather fat stacks.

2.) Gender

A ton of the A-list celebrities speaking at the convention are women. Women are more likely to be democrats because our womanly uteri make us feel empathy for the poors, and also because most of us would like to maintain control of said uteri, even as they control us back.

3.) Sexuality

A lot of people working in the entertainment business are queer. If a celebrity is not LGBT him or herself, chances are they know at least a few LGBT people. It’s a lot harder to support discriminatory laws when the people being discriminated against are your friends, colleagues, hairdressers, etc.

4.) Various “Social” Issues

Everyone in Hollywood does drugs and has orgies and gets divorced and is generally going to hell. If Michele Bachmann were ever to succeed at imposing her Christian version of Sharia law on this country, they’d all be thrown in jail.

5.) Age

Celebrities tend to be young, hip and attractive. Young people are way more liberal than old people, whom we are pretty much waiting to die off so society can advance.

6.) Celebrities Are Awesome People

According to every magazine profile ever written, celebrities are gentle, humble creatures who appreciate the randomness with which good fortune was bestowed upon them and want to “give back” however they can. Part of how they try to give back is by supporting the better of two power-hungry men who want to run a fatally flawed system. At least, until they start reading Karl Marx. At which point their giant, good-looking faces will lead an unusually pretty revolution !

(Via The Hollywood Reporter)

Photo: WENN.com

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    • Ruby Tuesday

      They are democrats, because you put them all together and they don’t even have one brain or a high school education.

    • http://www.facebook.com/barbara.c.perkins Barbara Candelaria Perkins

      People are sheep. They will vote for a president because of the stars! Our country is so screwed!!!

      • Jenni

        I think you misunderstand us. We won’t vote a president because of the stars, but because of the HOT stars. Like I’m going to vote for the guy endorsed by the ugly b-list celeb. YEAH RIGHT!

    • Knowledge

      This is lovely place.

    • Camille

      You make not one valid point here. This ignorance is the reason this country is falling apart at the seems. I have plenty of gay friends who I am supportive of, but we know good and well that voting Republican is not the end of gay rights as we know it. This is legislation left up to the states, not our federal government. I also happen to be a woman who also knows that Roe v. Wade isn’t being overturned any time soon. Are you familiar with that case or are you really that oblivious? Romney giving away $4 Million to charity while having made $12MM only proves that you are again wrong about his wanting to just get rich for the hell of it. Ohhh and btw, I’m in my mid-twenties. Again, another fallacy that all Republicans are old. You are downright clueless.

      • AWESMENS10x10

        Romney gave 4 Mil? Bill Gates gave 36 Billion!

    • Barbie

      If they feel so guilty making money, they can donate most of it. I don’t see many driving around in old trucks or wearing clothes from thrift stores. I think they like having money more than they REALLY want to help the general public. They’re actors. They want to act like they care about poor people to promote themselves. Oh, and I’m a woman in my 20s. I have gay friends. I’m poor. I’m a Republican.