How To Prepare For Suri Cruise’s Very First Day Of School

Suri Cruise, the universally beloved spawn of  Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, attends primary school for the very first time today at the ultra-exclusive Avenues School in New York City.

Take a deep breath and do a yoga pose. Because yes, today is the day we knew would eventually come. The day when Suri Cruise trades her jetset life full of Disney World dream vacations and pediatric Botox treatments for a backpack and a pencil case.

The day when Katie Holmes puts her down on her own two feet so another adult can lift her up. Literally. I hope no one thought Suri Cruise would be walking around today like some kind of pedestrian. Like a feral child raised on the streets of Manhattan without the always-available option to call for a town car and a cupcake.

Despite what you may hear about Suri Cruise attending school, don’t worry about how it will affect her. Her routine may now be monotonous,  but her spirit remains unbroken. Just because she attends classes with other children and just because she’s now forced to “listen” to an adult, she’s still Suri Cruise. She’s still #2 on the Forbes list of “Celebrity Children Most Likely To Land A Magazine Cover For Simply Being.” (Blue Ivy is number 1 and the alleged fetus inside Miley Cyrus is number 3.)

So don’t worry about Suri. Worry about yourself and what changes this “schooling” may bring to your life. After 6 years of growing accustomed to seeing the child gallivanting around town during all hours of the night and after 6 years of watching her get photographed in places you only dreamed of going in forgotten Pinterest boards, it all comes to an end.

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