So you’ve devoured Fifty Shades of Grey faster than Anastasia Steele dutifully eating her asparagus, but you’re still jonesing for bad erotica and depressingly helpless characters? Your palms will be twitching with excitement when you hear what we’ve found: There’s a Fifty Shades magazine! Go Deeper Press (heh) found this glorious text on the newsstands, and judging from their description, it’s part tie-in, part fanfiction:
For those “Who Love the Book and Live the Life,” Fifty Shades comprises the true recipe for magazine success: part tabloid (with predictions for the actors that will play the novel’s characters in the eventual film), part Cosmopolitan (with tips on how to write a flirty email, a spread featuring 20 of the best-loved sex toys, and a feature from a woman who’s been both a domme and a sub, but prefers now to just “cuddle and makeout”), and part Shape (with tips on how to get Ana’s butt and how to “eat like a sex goddess”).
And now, just like Christian Grey going from cuddling in his sleep to whipping Ana with his riding crop, I’m gonna unexpectedly turn the tables on you. This magazine is most likely fake—a smart joke, but not something you can actually pick up. The first red flag was that the only mention of it I’ve found online is on Go Deeper’s blog. Second, the image is crazy-small; even a cell-phone pic of the cover would be larger. Speaking of, the naked woman coyly holding a copy of E.L. James‘ book is the same model from the Entertainment Weekly cover in March.
There really should be a “bloggered” .gif. Hey, if this is real, then feel free to send a copy to the Crushable offices. But it seems that it’s a joke—a smart joke, but a one-off, nothing more. It’s probably for the best, however, because I already find it hard to breathe after learning about the Fifty Shades fanfic getting published as an original novel. Oh, and the upcoming clothing line. And the next generation who will have all been conceived after Mommy and Daddy decided to have some fun in the “playroom.” Congratulations, E.L. James, you’re officially a part of pop culture. May God have mercy on our souls.
Update: It’s totally real! We’re getting a copy and will report back on what we see.
Though I will give credit to the people who made this magazine for already being a smarter take on the phenonemon than Cosmo‘s atrocious Fifty Shades-inspired sex tips. (If you want something funny to read, then make sure you check out Nerve’s takedown.)
Photo: Go Deeper Press
.gif: blackmenwearingcardigans on Tumblr