If you’re following politics this week, you’ll note that the Republican National Convention is currently under way in Tampa, Florida! We won’t be commenting on what Paul Ryan or other folks have to say because that’s not really Crushable’s gig, but we couldn’t let the occasion pass without considering the most important potential attendees: The celebrities who are from/currently live in Tampa. So, check out our list—you’ll be surprised to learn how many famous faces inhabit this town. But of course, we weren’t just going to give you a standard list. Instead, we’ve ranked these athletes, actors, and reality stars from least impressive to most impressive.
The Hogans: You’re scraping the bottom of the barrel with this family. It’s hard to believe that their VH1 reality show Hogan Knows Best premiered in 2005! And while it just sort of faded away without getting officially cancelled, that’s because the Hogans are still in the news so often, they don’t even need camera crews to follow them around. Hulk and Linda‘s nasty divorce had him remarrying a much younger girl; Brooke hasn’t gotten the hint and is still writing songs; and who can forget Nick getting in that car crash in 2007 that left his friend with crippling, permanent brain damage? Let’s move on.
Photo: Adrian Varnedoe, PacificCoastNews.com
Derek Jeter: This photo of Derek and on-again, off-again girlfriend Minka Kelly is from 2010, which is the last time we can remember him coming up on our radar for a good reason. Though he doesn’t go through as many celebrities as teammate Alex Rodriguez, Derek does inspire the juicier tabloid stories, like how he sends his hook-ups home with a gift basket. That’s generous, but the herpes rumors have us giving him a thumbs-down.
Photo: Juan Soliz, PacificCoastNews.com
John Cena: He may not be as cool as The Rock, but John Cena is a pretty impressive multi-hyphenate. He’s a wrestler, actor, rapper, and fashion icon. He’s the kind of guy who flits across our minds every once in a while where we wonder, “What’s he up to?” Each time it’s usually some new project. I don’t want to get political, but he might’ve been higher on our list if he didn’t recently pose with Mitt Romney. Just sayin’…
Aaron and Nick Carter: While these boys were our middle-school crushes, they’ve been laying low recently. Partly because of their sister Leslie‘s tragic death earlier this year, partly because their time has come and gone. Sure, Nick popped up on 90210, but it just feels like the magic’s gone.
Dreama Walker: Starring on The B—- in Apartment 23 with Krysten Ritter and James Van Der Beek would be intimidating for any early-career actress, but Dreama fabulously holds her own on what became one of our favorite shows of this past TV season. She’s also awesome and down-to-earth, as we learned from talking to her friend/on-screen fiance Tate Ellington and found out first-hand when we got to interview Dreama ourselves.
Photo: Andres Otero/WENN.com
Brittany Snow: I have a total girl crush on Brittany. Though we first met her as the sweet, doe-eyed protagonist on American Dreams in 2002, since then she’s had fun skewering her good-girl image with a shocking role as a white supremacist on Nip/Tuck, as the strong lead in the underrated John Tucker Must Die, and now finally graduating into the slightly bitchy queen-bee role in Pitch Perfect. Really, her awesomeness can be summed up in this photo of her and Rebel Wilson helping to parody Gotye for the VMAs.
John Travolta: We’ve included John on our list because he’s got a house in Tampa… but his ranking on our list is more difficult to nail down. Some things he does we love him for, others we can’t forgive: He dresses up in drag for Hairspray. He’s a Scientologist. He plays pilot to all of Oprah‘s fans on that one “Favorite Things” episode where everyone lost their shit. He won’t come out of the closet. And yet, he’s still acted in some of our favorite movies and is always in the news. So, the label of “impressive” does apply here.
Photo: Josiah True/WENN.com
Billy Mays: OK, I was all ready to award Billy most impressive celebrity, which would have been a feat considering who comes after him on this list. I mean, how can you mess with the Oxi-Clean guy, with that unforgettable, charismatic voice? He’s become a meme after his death, which says leagues about his influence. Also, note that photo at top: At his funeral, the pallbearers donned his signature blue polo and khakis. That’s so badass. But then I learned — and I don’t know why I didn’t learn this back in 2009 — that he died from a cocaine overdose, and so I didn’t feel comfortable giving him the top spot.
Photo: Jay Podolsky/WENN.com
Channing Tatum: How could it be anyone but him? A few years ago, we wouldn’t set foot in a Tampa strip club, and now we want to blow all our vacation time on a trip down the coast to see if any of his body glitter is still in the dressing room. Seriously, everything he touches turns to gold; he’s still humble despite all his success; and he’s half the reason that .gifs have become so mainstream. Why he’s not in politics, we just don’t know.