There are only two ways a Fifty Shades of Grey movie can work:
1) Go by the letter of E.L. James‘ book and attempt to make it as dark, dramatic, and sexy (?) as the words printed on the page.
2) Make it campy as fuck and just ride the ridiculousness. You know, like these amazing GoodReads .gifs reviews I can’t stop sharing with my friends.
This whole time we’ve been assuming that the inevitable movie adaptation will be the former, but a recent interview with New Girl star Max Greenfield has led me to a revelation. Why not make Fifty Shades a total comedy, and hire the best of that genre? No one takes the book seriously, anyway.
It started when Greenfield — the breakout star of Fox’s New Girl, by all estimations — told Celebuzz that he would love to audition for the part of Christian Grey. That’s right: This whole time we’ve been envisioning heartthrobs with smoldering eyes as the dominant, fucked-up millionaire, but Greenfield’s last year playing Schmidt actually sets him up pretty well for the part. (I haven’t seen the show, but as I’ve been told, he’s the “douchebag with a heart of gold.” Yeah, he could play arrogant and we’d still laugh when he gets humbled.)
Note that this is all said deadpan, and yet it makes so much sense:
“Look, when I read the book, I thought, ‘What a comedy!’ I think maybe I can bring a little bit of validity to the situation. Sometimes, you try to figure out life and what it all means, and maybe I only got this New Girl job so that I would be enough of a commodity to get the role of Christian Grey in Fifty Shades of Grey. I’d probably retire after I did that because I think my performance would be just spot-on. I don’t even think it’s a shirtless thing. I think it’s more of a raw intensity thing. Obviously, I’m the man for the job.”
But he didn’t stop there. His dream leading lady would be someone who’s already been suggested for Anastasia Steele: Girls creator Lena Dunham! However, unlike the people who put Dunham’s name into the ring because she could play an “average” college student, Greenfield thought of her because she could bring another famous collaborator into the mix:
“She’s fantastic. What if Judd Apatow and I collaborated and turned Fifty Shades of Grey into a movie together? That’s what I’d like to do. Me, Lena and Judd. It’s a done deal. I’m calling whoever owns the rights and making this happen.”
So there you have it. Really, though, I’d love to see Greenfield — who’s wearing some gray, you might have noticed — say all of the lines about “I want to bite that lip” and “your twitchy-palmed lover” with a straight face. Oh, and “laters, baby”! You know I’m going to crack up when that line comes into theaters either way, so it might as well be a comedic actor delivering it.
Photo: Daniel Tanner/WENN.com