• Wed, Aug 29 2012

I Now Have More Questions For Abby And Brittany Hensel Than I Ever Thought Possible

 

Like the rest of real America, I sat down last night to watch the new TLC show Abby & Brittany, a whimsical peek into the lives of the famous 22-year-old conjoined twins, Abby and Brittany Hensel, who are just trying to live normal lives. For years, the girls fascinated me and last night’s two-episode premiere only fanned the flames of curiosity.

While I originally thought my brain exhausted all the possible questions I could have for these twins, I now have so many more. And that makes me feel guilty because I know that the reason that these women keep letting camera crews into their lives is to stop the stares and the pointing and the questions.

But I can’t help the fact that my brain goes to the dark places it goes. Short of getting shock therapy, I don’t know how to not care about people I see on my TV screen. Sorry I’m only partially sorry for stalking everyone ever featured on a reality show.

With that said, now that Abby and Brittany Hensel opened the door into their adult lives, I’m going to walk right in and ask away.

So bear with me as I offend a lot of people.

The show starts with Abby and Brittany preparing for their 22nd birthday party in college. Yes, college! The women attended Bethel College in Minnesota and successfully graduated in spring 2012. But before they walked across the stage (did they walk twice? Or just once?), they partied the night away at the birthday party their friends threw them.

Back in my college days, we drank at birthday parties. Sometimes heavily. But this party looked dry. Was it for the cameras or for real? Either way, it made me wonder how they drink — and more importantly, how they deal with hangovers. If Brittany drinks one night and Abby doesn’t, do they both still get drunk? Could Abby be her sister’s designated driver in this made-up scenario? Since they have two stomachs, do they each get individual hangovers.

Or does Abby get totally screwed if Brittany gets wasted one night and she doesn’t? Even worse to contemplate, what if Brittany has to throw up after a long night of partying and Abby doesn’t. Does she get sick watching her conjoined twin throw up? Does she hold her hair back? Or does she just whisper horribly mean things into Abby’s ear about her inability to say no to jello shots?

Do you see how this works? One question just turns into ten more questions. In fact, I’ll go as far as to say I’m the Octomom of questions today. (Does that metaphor work or am I pushing it?)

Not only does the party make me think about drinking, but it also makes me think about sex. I know, totally taboo, but stay with me here. How does it work? What if they don’t like the same guy? What if a guy only likes one of them? Does only one have to be on the pill? If Abby got pregnant from a guy Abby likes, would the baby be Abby’s? Or would the baby always be both of their child since this made-up baby grows in their shared uterus? Since attraction’s as mental as it is physical, could one orgasm and one not?

These are all valid questions that a stranger shouldn’t be asking them. So once again, my apologies Abby and Brittany. But if it’s any kind of consolation prize for my rude intrusion on your privacy, rest assured that your new show led to you both surpassing the Olsen Twins as my favorite twins in the media. As always, the other twins from Full House remain in last place. That’s what happens when you go MIA.

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  • Reese

    Seriously i have wondered about all of this too. Its so complicated and i have to know. Its a little bit rude to tease us with so little information when they know what we’re really curious about

    • Jenni

      Exactly! Now that I’ve seen this, I want MORE!

  • Vanessa

    I would also like to know:
    -How do they finish each other’s sentences? …because they don’t share the same brain. It’s so crazy!
    -Have they even had sex yet? Have they even made out with someone?
    -Do they have 4 boobs or 2? When they’re wearing a bathing suit it kind of looks like they only have 2.
    -I want to know what their back looks like. They didn’t show it when they were in their bathing suit.
    -They mentioned that they only feel the side they control. That is crazy! So if Brittany can only feel her arm, leg, etc. and Abby can only feel her arm, leg, etc….who feels the vag?
    -They both have their own stomach so what happens when they need to go to the bathroom? If one has explosive diarrhea, then the other just has to bare with her and help her out?

    • Jenni

      Watching them finish each other’s sentences is so crazy. They spoke in unison for half the episode.

      Also I would say yes to sex, yes to 2 boobs and yes to having no problems with intimacy since you grow up always doing something incredibly personal/intimate (like explosive diarrhea) with someone else.

  • yasmara

    Bethel college in MINNESOTA! Not Indiana… :)

    • Jenni

      Whoops! Fixing now.

  • Veronica

    Omg, thank you for writing this article. My girlfriend and I have been laughing about it for an hour! Please keep chronicling the show and you will have two faithful, lesbian readers!! Ps my girlfriend and I have a great plan for a threesome (foursome?) with Abby and Brittany. With your inquisitive mind Im sure you can figure it out and (am I asking too much) incorporate it into a future article! P.s.s. seriously though, you are sooo funny!

  • wendy grant

    Hi im from Canada and i do have to say why would these beautifull young women want the world around them, but when you think about it i can see why. They are just showing the world that yes we can do this and it helps other parents who may have a child with a disability. As 1 reader said they had more questions and that is understandable but i would assume they can answer some questions in a very subtle way. My hat goes off to these women. The best oart of this show is it shows how people will show the good side and then you have Honney Boo Boo that should be banned from TLC lol to the bank, it;s so pathetic i wouldn’t waste time or power to turn it on SHAME ON TLC you lost me. all the best Abbey and Brittany your a breath of fresh air :)

  • me

    They would both get drunk even if one did the drinking, as they share a circulatory system. Also many twins who are not conjoined have a bit of telepathy and easily know how the other is feeling or what they are going to say next, and can speak together or finish sentences.

    • This guy.

      Now, if one were to get hammered and vomit, as they share a single stomach but each has an esophagus would they both puke and not just one? hmmm

  • fair-n-square

    I went to Bethel and I would say, yes, it’s very likely it’s a dry party. Quite a few people prefer non-alcoholic parties.

    Some interesting questions you ask about sex. The only one I can answer is about the pill. Just as with alcohol, the blood in the circulatory system is shared, so only one (either one) would need to take the pill to get it into the blood system. I am more interested in the family dynamics they would choose–i.e. if they would marry 2 men and how they would raise children (designate a mom for each child, or let each child call them both mommy.) They’ve had a whole lifetime to consider these options, so I’m sure they’ll make good choices.

    I’m wondering if they can both grade papers at the same time and so could be more efficient (I’m guessing each one has one hand to operate.) Come to think of it, I wonder if professors worried about them copying each other during test taking time, or let them collaborate on the tests? After all, they will never be without each other…might as well let them collaborate on the test. And as teachers, how do they give a lecture? Take turns every other lecture, finish each other’s sentences, or take turns during the lecture?

    The whole thing is very eye opening. I think it’s great that they’re getting people accustomed to their different appearance. I have a number of good friends who have a really big facial mole or gapped teeth, etc. My husband’s best friend is in a wheelchair. When you first meet them, you hope they don’t see you looking uncomfortable, trying not to look too much or look away too much. After a while of being around them, you don’t notice anymore, and your comfort rises up. I think Abby and Brittney will do a brilliant job of raising people’s awareness and comfort!

  • Cherl

    Would they share an orgasm or just the one head who has the boyfriend