Last night I attended the Gallery Girls live tweeting event at End of Century with Maggie Schaffer, Amy Poliakoff, Kerri Lisa, Claudia Martinez Reardon and Liz Margulies. While I’m not sure how I got invited, I do have a feeling it has to with the fact that I can speak to people from Brooklyn and the Upper East Side at the same event. One second I’m telling someone the best way to get a dead person’s scent out of a jacket you found at a thrift store located in the basement of an abandoned church — and the next second I’m explaining the best way to make sure the help understands that they’re in no way to use my bathrooms when they’re cleaning my apartment.
When I received the invite from Bravo last week for this event, I immediately spilled my French Press coffee all over myself in excitement. I responded right away with too many exclamation marks — and then cursed myself for not playing it cool. Real Gallery Girls probably don’t even respond to invites. They just show up, insult the hosts and leave. So I went to the event already hating myself for ruining all my chances of ever getting an internship with Eli Klein.
Amy Poliakoff did not help when she eyed me up and down at End of Century and said, “cute outfit” in a way that implied she didn’t find my outfit cute. Guess wearing pajama jeans ironically backfired on me. I spent the rest of the night weeping sadly in the corner.
Chantal insisted Claudia collect my tears with a dust bin and proudly proclaimed they would sell them as artwork tomorrow as part of the display, “An Ocean Of Snark.”
And then the show began and we took our seats. Within moments it became clear that this week’s episode would be a parable about getting drunk on the Upper East Side. A lesson for all of us on the dangers of taking a camera crew with you to a bar. So heed this lesson this weekend when a camera crew insists on coming out with you. It’s a bad idea and it won’t end well for you. Especially if you’re Amy Poliakoff and you’re at Dorrian’s Bar.