• Mon, Aug 27 2012

Did John Mayer Break Up With Katy Perry So Robert Pattinson Could Date Her Boobs?

While we all recovered from the tragic John Mayer and Katy Perry break-up by continuing on with our lives in the normal fashion, Robert Pattinson used it as an opportunity to stare at her boobs.

Or so the latest rumors will have you believe about the heartbroken vampire who’s so horny that he’s lusting over her famous cleavage on a classy dinner date. Sorry Kristen Stewart, your chances of getting back together with Robert Pattinson  just got thrwarted by an exposed areola. It happens to the best of us. Just keep your head up and remember that you get dibs on the next  rebound that comes out of an uneventful celebrity break-up.

Despite the fact that the rumor about Robert Pattinson and Katy Perry going on a date got proven false last week, the anonymous sources are it again. Rather than getting creative and coming up with a new celebrity for Robert Pattinson to go out with in  the city, they’ve thrown the name Katy Perry back into the ring.

Sugarscape reports that the lovebirds spent a flirtatious evening together talking about sparkles, glitter and the collapse of humanity in Syria. Collapse of humanity in Syria, of course, being a euphemism for the most effective ways to show off cleavage on a fictional date.

Last night the two were spotted on a romantic candlelit dinner for two, but rather spending it slagging off their exes Kristen Stewart and John Mayer, the attention was very much on Katy’s boobies. Nice. A source told The Sun: “She wore a tight, sparkly top and Rob was looking at her breasts all night. He tried to avoid it when talking to her but as soon as she looked away to talk to someone else, Rob would sneak a peek.”

While this story could totally be true considering that Rob Pattinson and Katy Perry are two single people looking to mingle (in the headlines), I doubt it. Mostly because I heard from an insider that Rob Pattinson actually wants to date Dakota Fanning. He totally fell for her when she starred in New Moon. But twist, Dakota Fanning’s lusting over an on-set intern who she met on the set of Eclipse. But that intern’s totally not into college students and totally not fan-girling over Fanning if you know what I mean.

He actually flirted heavily with Kristen Stewart’s cousin who came to the set once. However her cousin, The Sun probably reports, got knocked up while visiting cousin K.Stew in Hollywood and met Star Magazine’s in-house OB-GYN who’s best known for giving medical opinions on maybe-pregnant celebs he’s never met. The two got married this fall in Reese Witherspoon’s backyard.

Katy Perry’s cleavage officiated the ceremony and they’re planning to deliver the first child on the road, as an homage to Kristen Stewart’s On The Road

(Photo: Wenn.com)

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  • S

    Lol.This is hilarious. Jenni, are you sure your not a comedian?lol Love reading your articles.

    • Jenni

      If my career as a professional commenter fails, I might go into comedy. Maybe.

  • nena

    Boy u have some imagination!! If you wernt on our side I would wonder about u. lol

  • Irish Girl

    For a moment there, I feared for your sanity, quoting “insiders” “Dakota Fanning” and “OBGYN”…Until I realized– with much relief —that your tongue was planted firmly in cheek. Geez, don’t DO that to me.

    • Jenni

      If I ever start quoting insiders/sources without any hint of irony, do what you need to do to get me fired.

    • Irish Girl

      Oh, I will. Don’t worry. I think I still have my whip from my halcyon publicity days…

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  • lizzy

    honestly, “sources” just make it up as they go along so your story could be as true as the rest of them! …

  • lillicat

    Oh Jenni, you have made my Monday. You would make a great stand-up comic. Love your irony.

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  • Peony

    Glory be to god!The ROBERRY saga has begun(Robsten is finally buried)! maybe we can let the horrible,sadistic,wicked mass murderer Kristen Stewart breath now that perfect angel of love Rob has found his perfect new woman.

    • s

      You might just get your wish lol. Us weekly saying that Katy would love to date Rob, but she would never admit that. plus they have been good friends over thepast couple of years and they’ve been there for eachother during their heartbreak. This is according to our “favorite” people….the “sources”.lol.

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