• Fri, Aug 24 - 3:59 pm ET

Miley Cyrus Strongly Hints To Us That She’s Joining The Army

Well it’s been 16 minutes since anyone’s talked about Miley Cyrus. So naturally, I thought I’d take one for the Internet team and discuss the latest Miley Cyrus pictures. The ones that are making us question her career ambitions as well as her loyalty to Liam Hemsworth and their potential unborn child.

“Jenni, what are you talking about? Isn’t it enough that you created a career plan for Kristen Stewart today? Must you continue to type nonsense?”

“Yes, random person who’s speaking aloud to me. It’s Friday. In Internet land, that means slow day. Unless Vivienne Jolie-Pitt gets caught making out with her Maleficent director in scandalous Us Weekly photos, I’m stuck blogging about Miley Cyrus pictures.”

So with that exchange out of the way, let’s proceed. Miley Cyrus came to New York this week. I’m guessing to meet me, but I assume her people just didn’t connect with my people for whatever reasons.

While out shopping in the city, paparazzi photographed her. That’s right, despite the fact Miley’s perfectly capable of paparazzi-ing herself via Twitter, she let the professionals take a few photos. She’s generous like that.

While people commented on her haircut like it’s last week or something, I noticed something else. The military jacket she tied around her waist. Considering that it’s very warm out in NYC and that there’s no way that huge jacket fits her tiny frame correctly and it’s not 1991, I can only presume one thing.

Miley Cyrus joined the military.

She’s through with this invasive media and she’s through competing with Josh Hutcherson for Liam Hemsworth’s affections. And you know what, she’s even through with journalists like me blogging about her uterus and if it’s currently vacant or occupied. (Which I find to be a perfectly valid question that needs to be asked every single day.)

While we’ll miss her twitpics and her drastic haircuts and even her dog-adoption-addcition, we’re happy she’s going to serve our country. God bless Miley Cyrus! May your experience at war be so magical that it inspires a Nicholas Sparks novel!

(Photo: Pacific Coast News)

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  • BOB

    COMPLETE BULLSHIT. this article is a complete lie. get your facts together whore.

    • Jenni

      If it’s such bullshit, where’s the article saying Miley is NOT joining the army?

    • lizzy

      BOB the builder used to be such a good guy until Wendy dumped him…and then he started drinking and lurking in random forums….

    • Lovisa

      Oh my gosh “BOB” (if that’s your real name) Let people have their own oppinions!
      Jenni, I personaly love these articles, It’s probably the only ones that I really read. And It’s because it’s entertaining and it dosen’t feel forced. I mean you can really tell that you like doing this, haha, I love that!

    • Jenni

      I do love analyzing Miley Cyrus for secret clues! I hope one day it will lead to my dream career as a private detective. And THANKS FOR READING!

  • Uhhh

    People in the military are not allowed to walk around with half civilian/half military clothes. They are not allowed to wear cammies as fashion accessories. If Miley had joined the Army, she would know that.
    Is this really considered journalism? If so, I need to get on this. Hey look, Angelina Jolie wore a cross – she must be joining a nunnery! Hire me, crushable! I’m a journalist!

    • Jenni

      Hey Uhhh! You seem like an awesome candidate for the 2013 Crushable.com Commenters-Turned-Journalists Program. We’re currently accepting applications via the comment section on ever single article on this site. For more details, please go To Journalism.com/Easy-Career/Apply-Today/Seriously-Buddy-Get-In-On-This-Its-A-Goldmine

    • Kayley

      It’s satire, man. Chill.

  • Samantha

    She is starring on Two and a Half Men and Jake is in the army. Wow. I can’t believe this web site looked over that and assumed it was the actual army. AND for your information, people are allowed to change their haircuts and have a shorter dramatic do.

  • Sabrina

    I’m 13 and i know this is all LIES. Gosh. Critics can make up such ridiculous stories! I bet the next story will be something like, ”Lady Gaga is really an alien”. It was probably just a coat Jenni! Maybe she thought it looked good with her outfit! IF SHE WAS IN THE MILITARY DONTCHA THINK SHE’D BE TRAINING OR FIGHTING AND NOT IN NEW YORK TO PRESUMABLY ”VISIT” YOU?