• Fri, Aug 24 2012

Let’s Not Blame Ryan Lochte For The Prince Harry Naked Photo Scandal Of 2012

Over the weekend, a virgin lit the black candle and set the world on fire. Not only did we almost get a  glimpse of Prince Harry’s penis during his naked photo palooza in Las Vegas, but we also got the rumor that an angry ex-girlfriend’s shopping around naked photos of Ryan Lochte. Hallelujah, there is a God — and he’s really into naked photo scandals.

Yesterday, the Queen sent over the Royal Babysitter’s Club to collect the now-clothed Prince Harry and take him home for time out. Anonymous sources on the flight say his handlers denied him a second apple juice and insisted he take a nappy so he wouldn’t be cranky when the queen questioned him about the rules of strip billards — and what in god’s name went through his mind when he let random American strangers take photos of him naked.

I assume the talk went well and he’s only grounded for a decade or two. Especially if the queen actually believes what Jessica Callan, a journalist/author, has to say about the situation.

“Everyone knows Harry is a party boy, but the photos with his crown jewels out are utterly shocking! It shows a serious lapse in his judgement and the queen will be furious. So much for what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. He was clearly led astray by frat boy Ryan Lochte and all that beer drinking in the sun. Harry no doubt has one hell of a hangover with side orders of humiliation and embarrassment.”

Yes, this Jessica Callan, actually believes that it’s Ryan Lochte’s frat boy mentality that made Prince Harry take off his clothes. As if Prince Harry doesn’t get in trouble annually for doing something wildly inappropriate. No, like WILDLY inappropriate.  Yesterday Gawker catalouged all his past frat boy antics right here.

I don’t think Ryan Lochte was hazing Prince Harry on the fateful night that he wore a Nazi costume to a party. Nor the time he made racist comments at the Sandhurst Military academy.

So let’s not pretend like Prince Harry wasn’t complicit in his naked photo scandal fun. Let’s not act like Ryan Lochte hazed him with a Natty Lite drinking contest and then paddled his clothes off.

Why I bet Prince Harry is the one who asked the girls who had Instagram on their phones and what filter made his penis look the biggest.

(Photo: Pacific Coast News)

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